


Incongruous [caulscott] [on another break, be back soon]

by Gogeta75



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Children, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Ghost-ish Hallucinations?, Hallucinations, Happy Kate Marsh, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, Medication, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nathan's Redemption Arc, Nathan's perspective, Past Abuse, Pills, Post-Best Ending, Post-Canon, Sad, Slight Memory Loss, Slow Burn, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Time Skips, Young Adults, after sacrificing chloe, minor characters - Freeform, nathan head over heels for max, sad nathan, simp! warren, traumatic memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24991672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gogeta75/pseuds/Gogeta75
Summary: Behind barred up for so many years, he had all the time in the world to think. So much to think about, sometimes it left him numb.the world turned, and left him here.he got off easy. he disappeared before anyone could notice he was gone, hiding away in a big, grey city.  it was almost going to be perfect, until he spotted max caulfield, and suddenly his world crumbled and crashed over him. but he wanted to prove something, to show that he wasn't just a doll, and max was his only hope. would she allow him to redeem himself, or will he finally succumb to the depths of hell?
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Nathan Prescott
Comments: 48
Kudos: 95





	1. strange

* * *

**_I. strange_ **

_"I'm slowly giving up."_

* * *

_ Max Caulfield.  _

Nathan did not know how many times he had repeated that name to his deteriorating brain—a spell that seemed to haunt him. The more he said her name, the more unfamiliar and odd it sounded. 

The girl who watched Nathan exhibit a nervous breakdown over Chloe Price’s dead body. 

He could remember the moment vividly, yet it was all in pieces—just hollow chunks that haunted him day and night. An echoing shot rang out, the clatter of the gun against the tile floor, then all of a sudden Nathan was screaming— _ bawling _ —his fingers twitching as he tried to shake the life back into Chloe. But David Madsen raced into the bathroom, slamming Nathan to the ground and his fate was sealed.

The trial proceedings were simple, to say the least. Nathan understood his privilege of being a part of the majority with a wealthy family—he got off  _ so  _ easy. Pleaded insanity, only to spend about 4 years in a mental institution to be declared sane by three different psychiatrists, earning his freedom. 

He hated it. He hated how the system let him off so easily. With all the pain and torment he caused, he wished he could’ve rot in prison, where he would finally build the courage to off himself, in the lonely grey cell of his own darkness. 

Mr. Jefferson was arrested too, sentenced to life in prison. Nathan never understood how they caught him nor did he ask, but he didn’t care. If there was one thing that he was slightly happy about, it was that Nathan was finally  _ free.  _

Behind barred up for so many years, he had all the time in the world to think. So much to think about, sometimes it left him numb. 

_ Victoria Chase.  _ The name was so familiar, but to him it felt like the first time he was ever saying it—like he had to repeat it and let it roll off his tongue before he became accustomed to it. 

His meds really screwed him up. Along with the depression, panic disorder, trauma, and tremors his body and mind now faced—Nathan could only remember certain things, or people. His memory was fucked—one of his many therapists saying that it’s due to the trauma. It’s not an excuse he uses—that he killed a girl in a bathroom and had a nervous breakdown so his brain blocked out parts of the whole memory to help him cope. He didn’t care. In their eyes, he’s a murderer. In his eyes, he’s a murderer. 

Victoria and Nathan were best friends, something that Nathan undoubtedly was sure of. He assumed that most people thought they were together, fucking around every once in awhile, but in the truest sense, they really were the best of friends. Victoria had known him for as long as he could remember—both enduring his dad’s torment. 

He could still see her face when he was being dragged away by the police. A horrid shock as they locked eyes, for a moment longer than time itself, before Nathan ripped away from it, eyes red and puffy. He wondered what she was doing now.

A day before he was discharged from the institution, the nurses handed Nathan a big duffel bag. It was filled with clothes, bath supplies, and a pair of good running shoes. He almost laughed seeing them. There was an envelope too—full of cash and a note. 

Sean Prescott had finally had enough of him. The note said something about how  _ they can no longer harbor a criminal,  _ and  _ he’s embarrassed them for the last time _ —a bunch of bullshit that Nathan didn’t even bother to read. Seeing the shoes was enough. His parents didn’t want him to go home. Not even to step foot on their property. 

_ Fuck them.  _ It got Nathan thinking. Once he’s discharged, where would he go? It wasn’t like there are places that would welcome him with open arms. The world hated him, and he hated the world. No, it had to be somewhere big, where he could escape into darkness, and no one would miss him. 

_ “Please stand behind the yellow line, the train is approaching.”  _

The voice sounded on the intercom of the underground train station. 

Seattle, he decided. After signing the papers he needed, he left the mental hospital and headed straight for the bus station. Wearing jeans and a baggy dark grey sweatshirt and dark cap, he left Arcadia without hesitation. Without looking back.

When the train arrived, luckily for him, he found a seat on the Amtrak. He sighed heavily when he sat, ignoring the pounding headache he had as he glanced at the map that would help him to his destination. It was about a five hour ride from Salem, Oregon to Washington. 

Hugging his bag tightly in his arms to stop the tremors of his hands, his thoughts wandered as he readied for his long ride. 

—

When he reached Seattle, it had just occurred to him that he didn’t have a phone. He hadn’t really thought too far ahead, only that he wanted to go to Seattle. He grabbed some brochures from the train station, specifically eyeing the one that had a list of hotels and motels before heading out. 

Seattle was grey, was Nathan’s first thought when he exited the station. It was cloudy, with hustle of loud honking cars and people walking—from what he could tell mostly college students. If he had a camera, he would’ve taken a picture of it. It sort of fit his aesthetic. But instead he gripped his cap, making sure it hid his face as he walked, trying to find the nearest motel where he could rest.

“And how long would you like to stay with us, sir?” The two-star hotel receptionist typed loudly onto the computer. Nathan pulled out the envelope, handing over about two hundred to the clerk.

“Just a couple days.” 

The receptionist nodded, taking the money delicately, before she handed him two keycards, and a brochure of their hotel. 

“Thank you, sir. Your room is right down that way.” She gestured down the hallway, and Nathan nodded curtly before finding his room, and entering it. 

_ “Chloe…”  _

“Fuck!” He cursed, gritting his teeth at the vibrant voice in his head. 

He shook his head trying to rid the voice, suddenly feeling dizzy as he gripped the wall to the side of him, vision becoming blurry as his fingers twitched and shook. His legs gave out and he tumbled to the ground. Scrambling for his bag, digging for the pills he found them, opening up the lid and throwing a couple in his mouth and swallowing. His breath was heavy and ragged, and his head pounded for moments longer before finally they began to cease—just an aching headache that made him exhausted. 

He made his way over to the bed and collapsed on it, trying to focus on the sounds around him. He focused on the honking cars, and the distant rumble of the train, breathing heavily as he tried to calm himself, before the dimming candle of his heart began to die, and with his eyes tightly closed, tears spilled from beneath his eyelids, and a choked sob escaped him. 

—

He had passed out, moments later, sprawled on the bed, hat still on but miskept. He woke in darkness, the looming night light of distant buildings peering into his room. He sat up, a heavy blurriness washing over him before it faded, and his eyes fell to the clock.  _ 10:07 pm.  _ He rubbed agitatedly at his eyes, before standing, walking into the bathroom and flicking on the light.

He looked just as worse as anyone could expect. His hair was longer—curly and sweaty as it flopped over his forehead. It wasn’t too long, but he was going to need a haircut soon. His skin was pale, and his eyes red from how rough he rubbed them. Dark circles under his eyes, along with splotchy patches of red beneath his skin. 

He still retained the same physique, although he had lost some weight in his face. His cheeks and eyes were puffy. His eyes were still blue—something he realized after looking hard enough in the mirror. They had become so dark and empty they took on the impression of a grey, lost color. He sighed loudly, slipping off his outfit and stepping into the shower, cleaning off the smell of the stale soap of the mental institution. 

It was nice. For only a moment, he basked in the massaging patter of the water, closing his eyes and letting out a lengthy, exhausted sigh. 

_ “I can tell everyone that Nathan Prescott is a punk-ass who begs like a little girl—!”  _

His eyes sprung open. Shutting off the water, he dried himself and fixed on a new pair of clothes. Slipping on the dark grey sweater and cotton grey shorts, he put on his cap. Reaching for the envelope of cash, he grabbed a fifty dollar bill, the keycard to his room, and left. Walking through the automatic door of the hotel, he left to find the closest convenience store. 

“That’ll be $18.97.” The cashier spoke boredly, chewing some gum as he waited behind the counter of the dirty convenience store. Nathan gave him the fifty, who gave him his change, putting his items in a bag. Nathan glanced at the set of newspapers stacked neatly on the counter, he grabbed one, only intending to glance at it. “Paper’s free if you want it.” 

The cashier handed him the bag, along with his change. Nathan reached to grab it, cringing when his hand twitched, before grabbing the bag, squeezing tightly on the tougher plastic. “Thanks.” He muttered, rolling the newspaper and putting it into the bag and leaving. 

He took his time returning to the hotel—reaching for the small light he had bought along with the new pack of cigarettes. Lighting one, he reveled in the drag that smoothed out the heaviness in his chest. It had been so long since he had a cigarette, he almost couldn’t figure out how he survived this long without them. Returning to his hotel room, he sunk into the bed. 

Reaching into the bag, he reached for a pre-made sandwich, along with a bottle of apple juice that he bought. He devoured it in minutes, only eyeing the window towards the street for entertainment. Once he realized he was just aimlessly staring through the window, he shook his head and scoffed at himself.

“Christ. I need a fucking phone.” He muttered. He reached to his bedside for the remote for the small TV in the room. Switching it on, flipping through channels until he found some old cartoon that he remembered watching with his sister when they were younger came on, and he settled on that. 

He found a small peace in it. If there was one thing that Nathan didn’t dislike about his childhood, it was being able to watch cartoons with Kristine. 

_ Kristine Prescott.  _ He would almost say it proudly—proud enough to call her his sister, if she hadn’t fucked off to some random country. Nathan frowned. She was who he needed. Someone to bring a balance to his life, someone he could relate to, but  _ no.  _

She left, and he hated her for it. Left him alone in that house with that  _ horrid  _ demon he’s forced to call father. 

_ “Woah, Nate! Did you see that? God, I love this show. Can you replay that part again?”  _

Nathan switched off the TV. He set the remote down with some force, shoving the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. He took a swig of the juice, washing down the bread that was stuck at the roof of his mouth. He glanced at the newspaper sticking out of the plastic bag. He sighed, swiping a ragged hand through his hair before grabbing the newspaper. 

He didn’t bother looking at the front page, just turning to the job availability page, glancing down the list, keeping some in mind—dishwasher at a local restaurant, janitor at a local business, etc. Nathan sighed again, suddenly feeling too tired for anything. He flipped the paper back to the front cover, eyeing the picture plastered big and brightly on the front page. 

It was a picture of a park, bright with the sun in the sky, riddled with flowers and a river reflecting the sun. Nathan was impressed at the work of the picture, capturing a shot of peace. 

He didn’t mean to, but his eyes wandered around the front page, darting around other notable headlines before his eyes scanned just below the picture. In small font, just under the innocence were the photo credits of the brilliant photographer who had taken the picture. 

His eyes widened, and he felt cold all over.

**_(Maxine Caulfield / The Seattle Times)._ **

His fingers twitched. 

  
  



	2. odd

* * *

_**II. odd** _

_"Not against but not again."_

* * *

Nathan awoke early that next morning. Restly tossing and turning in the stiff mattress, it was easy to say he didn’t get a good night’s sleep. 

His mind was restless. Questions and panics raced through his head. Why was her photo credited in the Seattle Times? Does that mean she’s in Seattle? There’s no way. Nathan came to Seattle because he wanted to hide—run away from his past. But  _ Max,  _ of all fucking people, was here in Seattle? 

“Shit…” He muttered, sitting up from the bed, hairline beginning to sweat. 

What if she saw him? What could he do? Should he run? But he just got here. He can’t just leave.  _ Calm down, Nathan.  _

He tried to take a deep breath, for it to get caught in his throat as he quickly expelled it. 

_ “Chloe…”  _

He shook his head, trying to rid the distant voice in his head.  _ No, it’s okay. Seattle is huge—there’s no way she’s gonna show up.  _

Focus, he told himself. His objective today was to get a phone, and start looking around for jobs. 

He showered, then changed—wearing the same clothes from last night because he didn’t particularly care. Glancing at the scattered pamphlets, he tried to search for the nearest phone carrier provider, finding one that was blocks away. Nathan groaned at the distance, wanting it to be short so that he wasn’t exposed for so long, but he dealt with it. 

He made the effort to have his wavy hair cover a chunk of his face, before sinking his hat on, grabbing a couple hundred dollars and stashing it in a cheap wallet he also bought from the convenience store, and made his way out. 

It was much more crowded than he had expected. After exiting the hotel, he was immediately aware of the enhanced presence than when he first arrived. He felt himself shiver, suddenly his heart feeling uneasy and dread quickly passed over him. He almost retracted back into the hotel, waiting until nighttime to search around but he needed to get a phone while stores were open.

_ It’s just for today, Nathan. Calm down.  _

He told himself, sinking the cap on as low as possible, and continued walking. 

He didn’t particularly know where he was going—walking aimlessly until he found a series of stores that ran along the street—coffee shops, small family owned restaurants, at least 4 different boba tea shops all residing next to each other—an odd sight that caused Nathan to frown. The buildings were tall, looming over in the cloudy sky, with Nathan having to crane his neck up to get a better view. The metropolitan road he walked on headed up on an incline, putting a strain on his weaker legs that did not get the exercise they needed when he was sitting in a room all day. 

He walked and walked, before he spotted a MetroPcs store just at the corner of the long street he had been climbing up. He entered quickly. 

The ring of the door opening sounded, and he was immediately greeted by the employee of the store. “Welcome!” The employee—a tall, lanky man greeted. The store was mostly empty, filled with display phones, cases, screen protectors, and other accessories a phone might need. “You need help finding anything?”

Nathan walked over to the counter. “I need a phone.” 

“Okay! Are you planning to sign up for a carrier plan? Or would you like a prepaid one?”

“A carrier is fine.” Nathan nodded curtly, feeling his fingers twitch and his heart panged. 

“Alrighty.” The employee turned, typing something on his computer before sending Nathan a kind look. “And what phone are you hoping to get?” 

Nathan turned a bit, spotting a large display for the newest Apple iPhone. “The iPhone. The newest one.” He cursed to himself when his voice came out small and shaky, before briefly clearing his throat. 

“The iPhone X? Sounds good, let me just get some of your information here and we’ll get ya out of here with a new phone…” He typed on his computer, and Nathan gave him another curt nod. 

“What’s your name, sir?” 

Nathan froze. He most definitely  _ did  _ not think that far. He felt himself go pale, and sweat began to build under his cap. What would he say? He can’t say that he’s a Prescott.  _ Shit—  _

“N-Nathan.” He cursed when he stuttered, but the employee didn’t seem to notice. He simply typed it in. 

“And your last name?” 

_ Fuck.  _ His mouth opened and closed in a shaky manner, eyes darted around the counter before he said the first thing that came to his mind. 

“C-Chase.” 

The employee nodded, typing it in. “And would you like to make direct deposit payments or cash payments?” 

Nathan let out a small breath, continuing the rest of the process. It was fast—saying that he would make his payments in cash, paying the starting amount for his new phone, buying a case, and he was already walking out of the door with his new, sleek black phone. He was shocked that they didn’t ask for identification—only asking for email and an address that Nathan most definitely did not have but the employee was kind enough to say that he could fill it out later once he finished signing up his account—and he was out of there. 

“Nathan Chase…” He scoffed at himself. He was gonna have to get a fake ID soon. 

He kept heading up the street, gazing around through the big city. He spotted a HELP WANTED sign beside a small burger restaurant, almost walking in to see what it had in store before the sign also read WE DO BACKGROUND CHECKS. Nathan kept walking. 

Coming across a grocery store, he headed in. Just buying a few snacks and some beer, he left holding a plastic bag with his supplies. He began heading back to the hotel. 

“Could you spare anything, sir?” An older man with light skin stopped him, crouched on the ground wearing a beanie, ripped baggy jacket and baggy pants. He noticed the accent upon the man, allowing a bit of broken english to coat his words. Nathan almost kept walking, but decided to hand him a ten dollar bill. 

“Here.” 

“Oh! Thank you! Thank you! May God bless you.” The older man took the bill with grace, holding it so delicately like it might rip. Nathan gave a small nod, before ducking away. He made a snarky comment to himself about that old man using the money to go buy some alcohol or drugs, and decided then and there to not give out any more money to anyone. 

He returned to the hotel with a headache, feeling exhausted. He sank down on his bed, sighing when his head hit the pillow. He pulled out his new phone—putting on the case and unlocking it. 

First thing he did was set up an email account. Then he completed his account with MetroPcs, so his phone was finally ready to use. 

He sighed, looking out the window of his hotel room, locking onto the honking cars in the distance. 

Nathan Chase. It wasn’t fitting, he decided. It left a hollow feeling in his chest, stealing his best friend’s last name, because he was too scared to use his own. What would Victoria think if she found out? She’d probably cuss him out. 

_ Good thing she can’t get a hold of me.  _

He went onto the safari of his phone, typing in  _ Victoria Chase.  _ He hesitated—maybe he didn’t want to know? No, he did.

Clicking the blue arrow, the blue line darted across the search bar before the results showed up.

Nothing significant. He got a bunch of different people who shared the name Victoria Chase, links to social media accounts—the only thing he did see were her parent’s last names, around their multiple galleries around Oregon. He figured Victoria was out in the world, pursuing her career in photography. He wondered if she was in college. 

Next, he typed  _ Max Caulfield.  _

Now, there were some search results. The Seattle Times came up again, holding a photo gallery of the pictures that Max had taken around Seattle. Parks, events, gatherings, protests—all capturing that wonderful quality of life that could bring tears to the eyes. It wasn’t just Seattle Times, it was other wedding venues, smaller newspaper companies and other journalism companies.

From what Nathan could remember, Max Caulfield had always been the shy, geeky girl that nobody had paid attention to. An outcast that Nathan and Victoria would no doubt pick fun at, earning that small entertainment when she would cower into herself, and quickly dart away. Max reminded Nathan of a doe, a shy animal that observes, but once any aggression is shown, the animal runs away into the forest to hide again. 

He guessed, in a way, Max and him were similar. 

_ “Chloe…”  _ It was Max’s sad voice that kept popping up in his head. Echoing in that small bathroom. Nathan was too blind, angry, not himself when the gunshot echoed, not even noticing that she was there but her voice was the one thing he remembered so clearly, almost like she whispered it in his ears. 

_ “I hoped you checked the perimeter as my step-ass would say. Now—” _

Nathan’s head tightened, as a sharp pressure filled his head and he clenched his teeth, waiting for the pain to subside. Once it finally did, he took a deep breath. 

Was he going to do this? Did he want to know?  __

_ Chloe Price.  _

He grimaced at the results, dated a few years back when the incident happened.

_ Teen killed in school’s bathroom— _

_ School shooting at prestigious art school— _

_ Fatal school shooting that took one— _

_ Prescott son accused of murder— _

_ Influential son sentenced to— _

Nathan clenched his eyes shut. He almost threw the phone, but did his best to hold in the frustration. He looked towards the screen again, the words rumbling as his hands were beginning to shake. 

He clicked on one of the articles. It explained everything—how Chloe Price was a troubled girl who was going through the aftermath of her father’s death, trying to live better for herself when Nathan Prescott, son of Sean Prescott, killed her in the bathroom. They talked about Nathan’s issues, the amount of medications and with the use of drugs how insanity caused him to pull the trigger—that he wasn’t in his right mind. 

It also talked about the Prescott family, and how their influence and money bought him an easy trial. Pleading insanity. 

He clicked on the link about himself. This one was recent. He paled when he read the subheading of the recently edited article. 

_ Killer of Chloe Price released from mental institution— _

He exited that search page before typing another one.

_ Nathan Prescott.  _

The results were damning.

_ Murderer released from state institution— _

_ Prescott has been released from mental ward— _

A whole litter of articles about him being released from the institution, along with his mugshot riddled around. 

A shaky hand shot into his hair, frustration as he gripped his hair tightly before he closed out of the page. He groaned, tightly closing his eyes. Everything was so  _ dark.  _ He could feel a pressure joining in his chest, and he gritted his teeth to fight the pain beneath his eyes. 

He had managed to click on an article, with a statement from Chloe’s mom.  _ Joyce Madsen. _ It was dated a few years back, a couple months after the incident. 

_ “She...Chloe was strong. She was troubled, but she still had so much life. She was all I had, and...and now she’s gone. I—” _

Nathan stopped there. Swiping out the tabs he had open, he flung the phone on the bed. He craned forward, cupping his face in his hands. His head was searing, pounding harshly and he was taken back when he couldn’t breathe, breaths coming out short and ragged as his fingers began to twitch and jerk completely, worse than ever before. He was sweating, his body now lapsed in a hot and cold pulse as he could feel tears joining his attack, and his blurry eyes darted to the small nightstand where his pills were. He trembled, reaching for them, popping the cap off roughly as the small tablets darted along the floor, but he rushed to throw a couple in his mouth, and slowly waited for the effects to kick in. 

He sat there, rocking slowly back and forth as he tried to feel for something—something his therapists trained him in—and his hand fell to the sheets of his bed, and he squeezed it tightly with a shaky hand. He whimpered, whispering incoherent words trying to calm himself. 

He lost time. He didn’t know how long he was doing it, but before long it had faded, and he was left feeling hollow, and  _ miserable.  _ His eyes darted to the pills on the ground, and with an absent mind he picked them up, counting as he placed them back into the orange canister. He frowned when there wasn’t a big enough number to end it right there, and he placed them back onto the nightstand. 

He laid on the bed, blankly staring at the wall, and before long, he was asleep. 

—

Nathan had slept the whole day away. A benefit to his many panic attacks and other mental disorders—sleeping was heaven for him. That brief darkness where all he could feel was just that—darkness. He had finally stopped dreaming. The nightmares used to keep him up, but now that he felt so broken inside, he no longer had something he longed for. He could just escape in a hollow darkness of his subconscious, hoping he could stay that way forever. He was beginning to enjoy sleep again. Until he woke up, of course, and the world came crashing down on him all over again. 

He awoke the same way he did yesterday, awoke in a dark room with the only light illuminating were from the many buildings surrounding him. He sighed when he sat up, yawning, before heading to the bathroom. He splashed some water on his face, before looking up at himself through the mirror. Staring at his brown, curly locks, he realized he needed to do something about it. 

Grabbing more cash from the envelope and his phone, he left the hotel and headed back the way he came in the morning. The night had a calmer ambience—it was like Nathan could breathe a little better. If it was from the crisper air, or that the darkness hid him better, he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t as sluggish as he walked, clenching his closed fists tightly under the pocket of his hoodie to fight the tremors in his hands, he walked back to the grocery store. 

Once he entered, he went straight for the hair section. Staring at a bottle of black hair dye, he wondered if it would make a difference. Of course people would still be able to recognize his face, and then he began considering plastic surgery, but he didn’t have nearly enough money for something so drastic. He was just shy under two thousand dollars, and he was going to have to consider a few things. Seattle was going to be a shortstop—he decided then and there. He was going to need money to go somewhere else, perhaps a different country, but he needed something for right now to disguise him, even if it was just for a little bit. So he grabbed the dye, and headed to check out. 

Just as he turned the corner of the aisle, he bumped into someone. A black man, just a bit taller than Nathan, with dark dreads that suited him nicely. He was a bigger individual, someone who clearly liked to workout with a round kind face, brown eyes, and dashing smile. 

“Oh—sorry, excuse me!” He apologized to Nathan, as he kept walking forward. Nathan waved him off, and headed for the checkout. He left the store carrying the plastic bag, squeezing on to it tightly before leaving. 

He had only made it down the street when he heard sharp voices, just deeper into an alleyway. He heard a whimper and turned his head to see an old man, slumped on the ground, hands raised as he tried to plead with two men—college students—who seemed to be harassing him. Nathan almost kept walking, but he realized that the old man was the same one who he had given money to. The two college guys kicked a plastic bag that the man had been holding—a couple bottles of water and a sandwich and a bag of chips went flying from the bag, slammed against the cold, dirty asphalt of the alley. 

“Please!” The homeless man cried, as the college students chuckled between each other. Nathan’s heart turned sour, and he hadn’t realized the deep set frown that had grown on his face before he started walking towards them. He just moved without thinking, clutching the bag tight enough to stop the harsher tremors as his hands were beginning to turn white. 

“Hey!” Nathan shouted, startling the two who obviously did not see or hear him coming. They turned to him, clearly annoyed. 

“Keep walking! This ain’t your business!” The two crept forward to Nathan, allowing a better view of both. One of them was wearing a University of Washington sweatshirt. 

“Leave him the fuck alone.” Nathan spat, clutching the plastic bag tighter as his fingers began to twitch. The two shared a look, creeping forward more as Nathan could get a full view of their faces. 

“Oh yeah? Or what?” 

“I’m gonna call the cops.” A voice sounded behind Nathan, and the three turned to see the man who bumped into Nathan in the store. He was holding a plastic carton of water bottles, which he had set onto the ground as his phone was evident in his hand. “You two better keep it moving.” 

They glanced at each other before they began to leave, heading up the street from where Nathan came from the store, and he could see the last name burrowed with giant letters of the one student’s last name. He felt the urge to take a picture of it, so he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture. 

“You alright?” The man stepped forward, and Nathan nodded.

“It wasn’t me they were bothering.” Nathan gestured to the old man, who had slowly stood up with a kind smile on his face.

“Oh thank you! Thank you!” The old man cried, reaching for Nathan’s hand and grabbing it, shaking it with both hands as a thin layer of tears were growing in his eyes. “You truly are a guardian angel! Thank you!” 

Nathan almost flinched from the cold touch of his hand. He glanced at the spilled food and water that the old man had bought, and Nathan felt guilty for assuming the money he gave him was going to be put to a bad use. He reached into his pocket with his hand once the old man had let go, handing him a twenty dollar bill. “Here. You can buy more with this.” 

The old man stared at the money, before he politely shook his head. “Oh! No, no! I cannot take. You have done enough for me. No, no.” 

“Seriously, take it.” Nathan shoved the money in his wrinkly hand. 

“Have you been living here for long, sir?” The man behind Nathan spoke, as the old man looked towards him. 

The old man nodded. “No… I just got here.” He gestured to the alley. “Lost job, then home, now I here.” 

“Alright, I have a place where you can stay for the night if you’d like. Do you want to sleep on a bed?” The man with dreads asked, as the old man’s eyes grew wide with his proposition. 

“Is okay? I come with you and get a place to rest?” 

“Yes, sir.” The man spoke with enthusiasm. “Go ahead and use your money to buy the things you need, and when you’re done, I’ll be waiting out here for you.” 

The old man stared for a moment, before happy tears began to grow in his eyes and he nodded brightly. “Thank you! Thank you. I be right back.” He had a pep in his step, walking to the direction of the store, holding the money tightly to his chest as not to lose it. 

“Name’s Jared, but you can call me JJ.” JJ greeted Nathan with an outstretched hand, and Nathan accepted it. 

“Nathan.” He looked off in the direction of where the old man went. “Do you really have a place for him?” 

“Yeah, I actually run a homeless shelter. Was just getting some more water for the ones I got.” He motioned to the water bottles. Nathan gave him an understanding nod. A small moment of quiet passed before JJ spoke. “You know, I’ve been short staffed at the shelter for some time now and have been conducting some interviews for more staff. It’s a paid job, and the workload isn’t crazy. Seeing how you treated him, I would love to have you on my team.” 

Nathan for just a moment, considered it. A paid job where he’d be taking care of the homeless. But that single thought stopped him— _ me, taking care of people?  _ The idea shut down quickly in his head. 

“Not interested.” He answered, with it coming off more impatient than he had anticipated. JJ nodded, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a card. 

“Think about it. Here’s my card—call me whenever and we’ll get everything sorted out.” 

Nathan took the card, nodded, and put it into his pocket. He left. 

Entering his hotel room, he took off his hat and sweatshirt, heading directly to the bathroom. He took out the box of hair dye that came with complementary gloves. He followed the instructions on the box, and before long, his hair was drenched in dark dye. He followed the process, rinsing it and trying his best to remove most of the black dye from the sparkling white tub, he was done. 

The results were shocking, for Nathan at least. His hair was now black, and not a natural black, but a pure jet black. Still curly as it bounced along his forehead, yet he understood it was a start. 

“Nathan Chase.” He muttered to himself with a huff of amusement, before using a towel to dry his hair the best before walking out of the bathroom. He grabbed his phone from the pocket of his shorts, and with that was the card that JJ had given him. 

He put the card on the nightstand, and flung onto the bed. When he opened his phone, the first thing he saw was from the picture app, and the photo he took of the college students. He searched up University of Washington, and just at the bottom of the website was the link to  _ Contact Us.  _

Nathan thought about it, before saying fuck it, and opening up an email to University of Washington, to “contact” the school about two assholes who were harassing a old man. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh hello!
> 
> i saw that w metroPCs you can buy a phone with a fake name without identification so that's what i went with, so plz don't come for me if that's not correct lets just go with it okay lmao
> 
> also nathan begins his first step into changing by dying his hair black lmao
> 
> more panic attacks, dread, and sadness! it's just the start of our long journey lmao
> 
> i hope you enjoyed, and drop a like, and i will see you all next time!
> 
> -me


	3. peculiar

* * *

_**III. peculiar** _

_"I'd always known this would be different."_

* * *

Nathan awoke to the phone in his room ringing. It startled him, causing him to jolt and knock the bottle of a stronger dose of Diazepam on the ground. It cluttered the floor and it took a moment for Nathan to realize he wasn’t under attack before his ears registered the source of the ringing. 

Groaning from his pounding heart, he reached over to the phone, and answered. 

“Hello?” His voice was groggy and deep.

“Hello there, just calling to let you know that the money you gave us is only good for one more night. You will have to check out tomorrow at 11 am.” 

Shit. 

“U-uh sure, yeah, thanks.” He spoke quickly. 

“Thank you, sir. Have a great day.” The receptionist cut the phone. 

He laid back into the pillow, staring at the ceiling. He only blinked, eyeing the odd ridges and patterns on the ceiling. 

“Fuck.” He muttered, before sitting up, heading to the shower. 

Dressing in the same clothes as yesterday—once again, he really didn’t care. 

He almost forgot that his hair was black now, eyeing himself in the mirror like an intruder had entered his head, stramge and not familiar. 

His fingers twitched. 

_ “Wrong. You got hella cash.”  _

He clenched his eyes at the sharp pain as the voice sounded in his head, before leaving the bathroom, tossing a couple of his pills in his mouth and swallowing. Now he had a headache. Great. 

Sitting on the bed, he groaned tiredly, rubbing his eyes. Now he had to be out of here tomorrow. Of course he could just give them more money, but if he kept doing that then he’d be out of money in no time. 

Was it time to leave Seattle? Nathan pondered the idea, imagining himself traveling to another place. But where would he go? 

Portland? Salem? 

He passed those places on his way to Seattle, and wasn’t particularly interested in going back to Oregon. 

But Nathan was  _ exhausted.  _ Physically and mentally drained, he seriously did not think he could travel farther than the usual walk to the grocery store. He eyed his duffel bag, clothes thrown about near it, and just couldn’t picture himself carrying it around. 

Maybe one day, if he was strong enough, but right now, he wasn’t. 

Reaching for his phone that was charging at the nightstand, he unplugged it and opened up the safari tab. 

_ Job openings in Seattle.  _

Many openings popped up. Cleaning positions at small businesses, barista at a few coffee shops, busboy at a small restaurant, clerk at convenience stores and gas stations—all places that were nearby that he would need to check out. 

_ Apartments in Seattle.  _

Was his next search. He cringed at the results. He  _ did not  _ have enough money for any of it. 

A frustrated hand shot through his dark hair. Where the fuck was he gonna get almost $2000 for monthly rent? 

Better start looking. 

He put on his shoes, and he was out of the door. 

Today was sunny in Seattle, with fluffy grey clouds allowing the sun to peek in and hide behind every once in a while. It wasn’t as cold but he could feel the fall pushing out summer, usual for September. 

He had cut out a few of his options as he walked—janitor at a local business, barista, and busboy—they all required background checks. He passed by the convenience store near the hotel, but they weren’t hiring. He tried barbershops, delivery stores, tech shops, even construction sites, but Nathan was extremely unlucky. It all either required background checks or experience, and Nathan, being a spoiled rich kid from a small bay town, he had the privilege of never having to work a day in his life. 

He shoved his hands into his pocket as he walked, to hide the coming tremors when he felt something smooth poked the pad of his finger. He grabbed it, pulling it out for him to see. It was JJ’s card. Staring at it carefully, he scoffed. He couldn’t believe he was actually considering it. Absolutely not. 

Passing by another convenience store—Seattle had  _ a lot _ of them—he decided to go in to find something to eat. He settled with a bag of chips, and as he was passing through aisles, he spotted a series of notebooks. He stopped, shoes squeaking against the floor as he did, before he turned in. Notebooks and sketchbooks of all different color covers, he somehow felt drawn to it. Grabbing a medium sized black sketchbook, and near it a set of sharpened pencils, he turned for the counter. He also spotted some cheap headphones on display near the counter, but he averted his eyes. Waiting in line, he wondered what he could do. He paid for his items, and out he was. 

Nathan’s head was beginning to hurt, and that convenience store neared a small park, so he stopped by it and sat down at a bench that overlooked the waterfront of Seattle. Staring hopelessly into the water, tapping his foot impatiently, he wondered what he could do now. 

He envied the people walking by, wearing their bright colors, engaging in conversation as they carried on with their day. Nathan opened his bag of chips, munching away as he stared at the water, carrying a blinding glaze from the sun. It swished and swayed, creating an almost quiet ambience that could have cleared Nathan’s head. He couldn’t help but think of whales—and was ultimately jealous of them—who got to swim endlessly in solitude in the muffled water. 

In that aspect, he missed Arcadia. On his worst days, he would go down to the beach. He loved going at night, where he felt like it was only him, and the sea. They had silent conversations together, sometimes with the moon joining them. He’d tell the sea all about his shitty life, and all the shitty people that made his life even more shitty, and no matter how fucked up he was, the sea never seemed to judge him. Nathan swore he could hear the whales beneath the water, swimming around and calming Nathan. 

But now, here he was, where the whales were no longer, and now Nathan had no one to talk to. 

His hand jerked slightly, and he gripped it with his other to stop it.

_ “Come now, Nathan. You’re not that stupid. Or do you want your precious family name to die with you?”  _

Nathan froze. His head turned quickly, eyeing the people around him. None of them had gotten close, but that didn’t stop his pounding heart. He could’ve swore that Mr. Jefferson was right behind him. Nathan could feel the goosebumps on his neck, suddenly feeling more uncomfortable as the seconds passed by. He made a quick scan to make sure that no one was looking at him, and sure enough, they weren’t. He took a deep breath, clenching his fist tightly to stop the twitches. 

_ Chill, Nathan. He’s not here. He’s not around anymore.  _ He reminded himself, taking a deep breath. Without really thinking, he reached into the plastic bag he got from the store and pulled out the sketchbook, ripping open the set of pencils. He flipped it open to the first page—clean, and blank. 

His eyes fell to the waterfront, and he gripped the pencil tightly to stop his hand from shaking, he began to draw. He hadn’t drawn or been in touch with his artistic side in years. 

It was safe to say that Nathan never wanted to touch a camera again. He couldn’t imagine himself raising the camera to his eye, without feeling the chilling breath of his former teacher touch his neck. That innocence he once had shattered completely, and he didn’t even want to  _ think  _ about that again. Nathan was in somewhat of a better mood today. So—he’d torture himself later about it. 

He did his best drawing what he saw, but he was a better photographer than artist. It wasn’t exactly proportional, and the perspective of the buildings across the waterfront were too close. Not to mention the lines were shaken and unconfident. Once Nathan deemed he was done, he frowned at the finished product. He’ll definitely need to practice more. 

“Daddy! Hurry up, you’re too slow!” A voice sounded from behind the bench, with feet pounding on the blades of grass and Nathan turned, spotting a little girl. She had dark skin, with curly hair pulled into two high pigtails tied with two pink ribbons. She looked young, perhaps about six or seven years old. She wore a lime green shirt and pink legging, as she darted atop of the bench that Nathan had been sitting on, calling out to someone. 

“Hold on, I’m coming!” The familiar voice of a man shouted from behind, hearing his footsteps approach. 

“I’m getting faster and faster!” The girl cheered to herself, before the man set a small cooler down on the ground next to the bench. 

“That’s only cause I let you win.” He spoke, and the girl giggled, before she hopped off the bench, running to the grass. 

The man sighed, and Nathan didn’t dare lift his head, trying his best to hide with his hat.

“Hey… I know you.” The man spoke, and Nathan cursed to himself, before he slowly lifted his head to meet the eyes of JJ. “Yeah! Nathan, right?” 

_ Can’t a guy hide in peace? _ “Yeah. And you’re JJ.” Nathan replied, and JJ smiled—a set of white teeth favored beautifully with plump lips. 

“Sure am. You know, Harry’s been telling the others all about you.” 

Nathan’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and JJ seemed to understand his falter of knowledge. 

“Ah! Sorry. The old man from last night—his name is Harry.” 

Nathan’s head flickered up when he understood. “How is he?” Nathan asked, voice low as he averted his eyes to the grass for a moment, feeling uncomfortable with the eye contact.

“He’s doing good. Already settled in and getting used to the place.” 

Nathan nodded absently. His eyes averted to the little girl cartwheeling in the grass. He gestured to her. “That your daughter?” 

JJ glanced at the girl, nodded as he sat on the bench with a content sigh. “Yup! Her name’s Zoe. On my lunch breaks, I take her out for lunch before I get to take her back to school.” 

“How old is she?” 

“Six. She’s in first grade. She absolutely  _ loves  _ it—sometimes I can’t get her to stop talking about it.” JJ huffed with a chuckle, and a small flicker of Nathan’s lips turned upward. 

JJ reached into the cooler, grabbing a bag of cut apple slices in a ziplock bag. “Zoe!” He called out, and the girl turned, running over to the bench as JJ handed her an apple slice. She took it with a small thank you, biting into it before she finally looked over at Nathan, cheeks round as she smiled at him.

“Hi! I’m Zoe, what’s your name?” 

Nathan’s eyebrows lifted in surprise—he didn’t think he'd ever met a happy kid like her. “Nathan.”

Zoe nodded happily, shoving the apple slice in her mouth, chewing and swallowing. “Are you homeless?” 

Nathan was taken aback by the question, surprised  _ that’s  _ what a child would ask him. 

“Zoe!” JJ lightly scolded, as Zoe shrugged before grabbing an apple slice from the bag and dashing off again. “Sorry about that, man. Kids these days have no filter.” 

Nathan waved him off. “It’s cool. I... kind of am.” 

JJ’s interest was piqued. “Do you mind me asking what you mean?” 

Whoops. Nathan shouldn’t have said anything. Now he’s gonna think that  _ Nathan  _ is the homeless one. 

“I-I’m just looking for a new place to stay. It’s getting expensive.” Not a total lie, but not quite the truth. 

“Hey man, I feel ya.” JJ sighed, leaning back into the wood bench. “Tell me if I’m overstepping my bounds, but I have something that might interest you.” He started, flipping a hand through the dreads that were falling in front of his eyes. “At the shelter, we have an attic storage space that hasn’t been used in years. If you’re interested, but...” JJ slowed, a mischievous tint of a smile growing on his face.

Nathan knew where this was going. “It’s mine if I accept your job offer.” Nathan finished, and JJ grinned. 

“I don’t need an answer right now.” JJ reassured. “But, you know, give it some thought.” JJ gave a convincing wag of his shoulders, and Nathan let out a huff of amusement. He gathered his things, putting the notebook and pencil in the plastic bag before standing. 

“I will. Thanks.” Nathan gave him a curt nod, pulling his hat down just a tad, before giving a small wave to JJ, before walking away. 

— 

Nathan slept when he got back to the hotel, feeling much too exhausted as he crashed onto the bed, thoughts all jumbled together. 

He didn’t mean to sleep for so long, seeing how it was about noon when he came back now it was dark outside. He felt groggy and heavy, yet he forced himself to sit up. He browsed through apartment lists, the cheapest options, but JJ’s offer kept popping up in his head. 

It was a good deal. Like,  _ really  _ good. Nathan was beginning to wonder if this was a trick—a little  _ too _ good to be true. 

He reached into his pocket to grab the card, eyeing it. 

**_Jared J. Olsen_ **

**_206-XXX-XXXX (cell)_ **

**_Sacred — Youth Homeless Shelter_ **

Staring at it, weighing his options, he groaned. He felt so conflicted. 

Was he really going to work  _ taking care  _ of people? The concept was so odd and strange to him. Nathan knew he didn’t deserve it—and most definitely did not earn it. 

What would Victoria say? No doubt she’d spit at the idea, laugh in JJ’s face and storm off. But then again, Nathan only knew of the Victoria Chase from 5 years ago—she could be a completely different person now. 

What would Kristine do? She’d love to help. She’d love to do anything that would get her away from Sean Prescott, and she  _ did  _ always enjoy helping people. Last time Nathan heard she was in the Peace Corps, he wondered what she was doing now. 

What should he do? 

…

...

What would  _ Max _ do? 

Stupid question, Nathan scolded himself. He hardly knew Max. The quiet, geeky girl. He still remembered when he first saw Max. He was in Victoria’s room, both blabbing on about school and how they wanted to get high. Her door was open, and Max was just moving in. 

He recalled her carrying a box, and for the briefest moment when she passed by the door, her head turned. Her kind blue eyes met his darker blue, and he never forgot how she smiled at him. But then Victoria made a snarky comment about what Max was wearing, watching from the door, and his impression of Max was forever negatively impacted. 

They would make fun of Max, but Nathan had no doubt that she’d laugh at him if she ever saw him—Nathan Prescott, son of the prestigious and wealthy Sean Prescott, now about to be a homeless loser in a big city. 

Nathan shook his head. He was getting sidetracked. He still had to make a decision. 

What would the whales say? 

Another stupid question. He knew what they would say. 

The phone rang quietly. Three rings passed and Nathan was only milliseconds away from hanging up, before JJ’s voice sounded. 

“Hello?” Nathan could hear the background of a TV. 

“Um...JJ, right? It’s Nathan.” Nathan had to clear his throat to avoid it becoming wobbly. 

“Nathan!” JJ’s voice was immediately eager, and Nathan could no longer hear the TV. “Glad to hear from you. What’s up?” 

“I...uh...wanted to ask about your offer.” His voice came out small and uncertain.

“Great! What do you want to know?” 

“Well, more like, I have one condition.” 

Nathan hardly knew the guy, but he could practically hear JJ smile against the phone. “Alright. I’m all ears.” 

“I don’t want to...take care of anyone. I...um...I can’t. I can do other stuff though. Cleaning—you know, grocery trips, stuff like that. I can even try and cook. I’m usually pretty shit at that though—Oh. S-sorry.” He probably shouldn’t be cussing to his potential boss.

JJ chuckled. A hearty laugh. It reminded him of a dad. “All good, brother. And I hear you. I’m down for any help I can get. And that attic space is yours. I’ll text you the address of the shelter, we can meet tomorrow in the morning, and I’ll have a whole list of things for you to do. Sound good?” 

Nathan’s eyes grew. That was… easier than he thought. “Y-yeah. Thanks. Thank you.” 

“Of course! I’ll send you the details in a couple minutes. Also, Zoe says hi.” 

Nathan could hear the giggle of a small child through the phone. “H-hello.” He spoke awkwardly, and JJ chuckled again. 

“Thanks, Nathan. See you tomorrow!” 

“Yeah. Bye.” 

The phone clicked. 

Nathan held the phone in his hand for a moment. Replaying the conversation in his head. 

He just got a job. His first job ever.  _ And  _ a place to stay. 

He seriously got lucky. He stood from the bed, pulling out clothes he planned to wear tomorrow and throwing them on the chair, before he stuffed his other clothes back into the duffel bag. 

Before he lied down, he rummaged through the box that carried his new phone, finding a pair of headphones in it. He took them out, plugging them into his phone. He downloaded YouTube, and searched up a calming sound that always soothed his aching head. 

The sloshing water and muffled vibrations sounded along with the whales, passionately calling out to each other through the thick water. 

It truly was the only soothing thing Nathan could ever hear. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nathan, is having some great luck. happens to meet a great guy willing to get him his very first job! things are looking up for him, will he keep it that way?
> 
> also i've been to seattle a couple times but don't remember the layout that well so plz bear with me and my descriptions of the streets and stuff it is still something i'm working on ahaha
> 
> got some more hallucinations and voices in the head going on--yes, this will be a very frequent thing
> 
> hey, thanks so much for reading and commenting, i seriously appreciate it! updates are gonna be a tad slow but I'm always thinking of this and what i can add to it! 
> 
> i hope to see you again in the next chapter! thanks, again!


	4. unusual

* * *

**_IV. unusual_ **

_"Strange world, isn't it?"_

* * *

When Nathan awoke early the next morning, he was  _ extremely  _ nervous. He was tossing and turning for most of the night, and sweaty. JJ had sent the address and when he wanted to meet soon after their conversation ended, and Nathan felt soothed for a moment, his usual anxiety kicked in. 

What if he fucked it up? He usually did. What if he said the wrong thing, or if JJ found out about Nathan’s past? 

Nathan still didn’t even have a fake yet. It wouldn’t take JJ long to figure out that Nathan Chase was actually Nathan Prescott. It wasn’t like he had a good disguise, all he did was dye his hair. He would find something else to add to his disguise before he went to the shelter. 

The universe had been kind to him so far. Letting him get off easy, sneak away to Seattle, get a job and a place to stay in the same day—but it couldn’t last for long. 

It was only about 7 am, and they were meeting at 11. 

_ Fake IDs Seattle.  _

Nathan searched up on his phone. He would make sure to stop by a place to get it done. And buy some weed. He  _ really  _ needed it right now. 

But for right now, he would shower and eat something to date his small appetite. Washing away the tiredness in the shower, he tilted his head back and reveled in the hot water massaging his skin. His fingers reeled back in a jagged motion. 

_ “I got nothin’ for you.”  _

He shut the water off. Pausing for a moment, his eyebrows scrunched. Was that his voice? 

He shook it off, stepping out of the shower and getting dressed. Today, he wore a pair of dark jeans and a grey dad sweater that was baggy on him, yet comfortable. Slipping on his shoes, stuffing his pills and cigarettes into his duffel bag along with his clothes, and zipping it up. Putting his phone in his pocket, he checked before he left to make sure he didn’t leave anything. He didn’t, so off he went. 

He didn’t say a word to the receptionist, just walking out without looking back. 

It was partly cloudy in Seattle, allowing Nathan to feel a small peace on this Friday morning. 

He headed to the convenience store first, searching for something that could appeal to him and his disguise. Entering, looking past aisles he spotted a rack of beanies—he immediately went for it. Grabbing a black and a grey one, he kept looking. 

He spotted a small rack of sunglasses, along with fake glasses. He eyed the sunglasses for a while, but decided that he wanted to disguise himself, not make himself look suspicious. The fake glasses caught his eye—a silver framing of a pair of garamond glasses. He eyed that one too, wondering if it would work for him, but he eventually said fuck it, and took them both. 

He paid, before heading out of the convenience store. He ripped off the tag for the black beanie, squishing it on his head. A few black curls slipped out but Nathan didn’t really care to fix it. He put on the silver glasses, pushing them up as they rested uncomfortably on the bridge of his nose, but he kept moving, heading to the bus station. 

He was dressed like a true hipster now—much different than his past apparel. Before when he was at Blackwell, he was often praised for his stylish and expensive clothing. The guys on the football team would whistle at Nathan when he walked by, and Nathan smirked at the praise, practically sparkled as he walked down his family’s bought hallways. 

But now, he looked completely dull—the usual red jacket gone and destroyed, along with his fortune. Black and grey were his aesthetic now, thrown in with a couple of whites and darker blues. 

The bus came with a screeching halt of its brakes. Nathan climbed on, dropped the necessary amount of coins to ride, and sat in a window seat towards the middle of the large bus. He hugged his duffel bag closely, partly to stop the nervous twitching of his fingers and partly to have something real to hold on to. 

The bus was mostly empty, save for a student on the bus and an older lady, dressed like she was going to work. Nathan stared out the window, eyeing the big grey buildings and all the shops and gloominess. His eyes darted all over the place as he took it all in, squeezing his bag tightly the whole ride there. 

—

Nathan arrived at Sacred at 9:37 am. A good hour and half before he was supposed to meet JJ. 

He was nervous about meeting JJ, that he hadn’t even realized that he was already  _ way  _ too early. 

Well, at least he wouldn’t be late.

Sacred was a smaller building than Nathan was expecting—a gleaming white coat of paint on a three story building that neighbored a few stores, along with a park just a few blocks away. 

The Space Needle was closer now—its pointed top seeming like it was just a few blocks away. Possibly something Nathan would want to check out later. 

But for right now, he needed to prepare himself for his new “home”. Pushing up the fake glasses up the bridge of his nose and adjusting his beanie, he was ready to start his first job as Nathan Chase. So he walked up to the door, and opened it and entered. 

There was a chattering hum as he entered—voices that filled like white noise. As he gazed around, he found himself more engaged. The walls were a kind tan, more on the yellowish side and the floors were a polished wood. The building was spacious, with only what he could assume being the living room of a homeless shelter. Old couches off to one side of the area, with a flat screen TV nailed to the wall above, playing a cartoon that Nathan did not recognize. On the other side of the room was square tables lined with desks—some harboring board games, puzzles, even paper and many drawing materials. Nathan could see an opening to a kitchen further in, almost like a restaurant. Nearing that, he could see a bigger door and through a small rectangular window of the door, could spot a case of stairs. 

He could see a hallway as well, that led away to something else that he wasn’t able to see at the moment. A giant circle of plastic chairs were lined up off to the side where the window was to his left, closer to the hallway and square tables that he wondered if JJ was doing some sort of program. That alignment of tables was something he recognized well—a fan favorite of mental institutions: group sharing. Nathan always  _ hated  _ it. He hated being treated like he was some lunatic, forever unable to live in the real world. Yet at the same time, he knew it was what he deserved. 

The people he saw inside the shelter were young—maybe about his age or younger. This shocked him, the fact that he was seeing practically  _ children  _ in a homeless shelter. 

“Woah, I’m sensing a lot of negative energy from you.” A voice sparked from behind him that made him jump, turning to see a short girl. She was Asian, with sleek black hair that reached her shoulders, wearing an outfit that Nathan would describe as witch-like. A black t-shirt with a purple unicorn design, accompanied with a purple plaid skirt, black leggings and boots, purple bubble jacket and a black beanie. She had the remnants of a fake tattoo on her hands, holding a small book. “Cancer? No, wait, I’m feeling more… Capricorn? No, no… Virgo, maybe?” 

Nathan was taken aback. Now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t think he'd ever met children with so much energy. Was he like this when he was a kid? No, definitely not. 

“What?” He finally spoke once his brain rewired, staring down at the girl. 

The girl smirked, and nodded to herself. “Yeah, definitely Virgo. When’s your birthday?” 

“Uh, A-August 29th.” 

“I knew it! I’m getting too good at this.” The girl praised herself, opening her book and flipping through it. “Virgos—often known for being observant, intense, sensitive, and  _ very  _ stubborn.” She lifted her eyes and scanned Nathan’s appearance. “Just from looking, you  _ are  _ pretty intense looking—”

“Evie! Leave our newest worker alone.” A voice sounded from behind the two, and Nathan felt himself almost sigh in relief when he turned to see JJ—dressed in a fitting black shirt and jeans—walking towards them. Nathan noticed he was wearing gloves and a hair net. “What did we say you can’t do?” He initiated, as Evie silently groaned, closing her book. 

“I can’t judge verbally. But it’s not judging! It’s my intuition!” Evie spoke in a drawl, reciting past lessons with a grin growing on JJ’s face. 

“Yeah, yeah…Go get in line—It’s almost time for breakfast.” JJ pointed out with a chuckle, and Evie smiled a bit before ducking past the two of them, heading over to the open bar of the kitchen. 

“Sorry about that. Evie is really into zodiac signs and spiritual stuff like that—she’ll be reading your cards before you know it.” JJ started. “But you’re early!” He glanced at the watch on his wrist. “Glad to know you aren’t gonna be late to anything.” 

“Sorry. When I left, I didn’t even check the time.” Nathan apologized, as JJ gestured for him to follow, gripping the strap to his bag. 

“Don’t worry about it, brother. Lemme show you to your five-star room.” JJ joked, as Nathan followed him to the door to the stairs. 

The two walked up the stairs, entering onto the second floor, then continuing onto the third. 

Nathan could tell the third floor was less frequented than the first—looking a bit off-color of the walls, floors coated in a thin layer of dust. JJ walked down the end of the hall, and on his right introducing Nathan to a stained, scratched door.

JJ slipped out a key from his pocket—inserting it into the old, scratched up door knob and pulling it open, and the two entered. 

If Nathan was a clean freak, he would have been appalled. JJ wasn’t kidding when he said it was an old storage room. 

Boxes, along with junk filled the room, with the only source of light coming from a small, dusty web-ridden window. He could see the dust particles in the air as the door opened, moving it around so that even JJ had to swat away the dust that was reaching his nose. 

“Here we go! You know, it’s actually more spacious than I remember. You should’ve seen this place a few months ago.” JJ mused, entering in. Nathan gazed around quietly, before stepping in as well. 

“There was more stuff?” Nathan asked, clearing his throat. 

“ _ Oh  _ yeah. We trashed a lot of it so this was what’s left.” JJ kicked a box near the ground, with dust and a spider crawling out of it before he turned to face Nathan. “Well, since I’m a great boss, I’ll let you get this stuff cleared out so you can get settled in so you can start work on Monday. Think of this as a part of your orientation.” 

JJ’s wrist lifted, looking at his watch on his arm. “Okay, I gotta help serve breakfast. There’s another empty room on this floor that should be unlocked that you could move some of this stuff in. Separate it into trash and things we could keep—and just use your best judgement.” He walked over, placing the key in Nathan’s hand. “I’ll be back to help when I get a chance, alright Nate? Is it cool if I call you Nate?” 

Nathan nodded, taking in the information as JJ grinned, patting Nathan a bit harshly and eagerly on the shoulder. 

“Great! There’s trash bags and all that in the kitchen downstairs whenever you need them. Okay!” JJ noted for Nathan, before darting out of the room. 

The door shut, and Nathan let out a breath he hadn’t realized was clenched in his throat. His gaze wandered around the large room, and did not feel as energetic and hopeful as JJ was. 

The room was decorated with an assortment of items—boxes closed with dusty duct tape, labelings of decorations, kitchen items, books, paintings, towels, lamps and blankets. Under a pile of unwanted knick-knacks was the frame of a bed, and covered in dust and stains was an old couch. 

His face contorted, feeling way over his head. 

“It’s cool, Nathan. You  _ want  _ to be here. So of course, you’re gonna have to put in some work.” He muttered to himself, before a tickle shot up his nose and he sneezed. Shaking his head with a sigh, he walked over to the closet box before picking it up and holding it as far away as he could from his body. “You can do this, Nathan. You can do this.” 

He began his work. Using his weak arms to heave boxes up and out of the storage room, placing them outside. Once he had a decent stack of things, he wandered into the hallway, searching for the room that JJ had mentioned before finding an empty room with only a few empty cardboard boxes. He moved the boxes from the storage room to the empty room—box after box—until more room cleared up. He did as JJ asked, separating the items into what he thought might be useful and what could be thrown away. Nathan wasn’t sure how good his judgment would be—he had never been into a homeless shelter—but he did his best.

All that was left were the heavier items, like the bed frame and couch, along with an old arcade game, a few lamps, a small desk, and some chairs.

Nathan didn’t know how much time had passed, but he was ready to crash. His head was beginning to pound. 

A knock sounded on the door and he turned rather quickly. “Yo! Wow, it’s looking good in here.” JJ entered, gazing around at the even more spacious room. “Maybe you don’t need my help after all!” 

“Yeah, right.” Nathan scoffed with a small smile, trying to show that he wasn’t in fact mentally and physically exhausted. 

“But hey, I got you a welcoming gift.” JJ grinned, turning away and stepping into the hallway. Nathan peered out, waiting as he could hear the carpet dragging, before JJ appeared again. In his hands, was a mattress. Nathan could only see the corner of it, but nonetheless he recognized it. 

“I got you a mattress! And some pillows and some blankets. I’ll leave it out here until you’re ready, but for now, come downstairs. It’s past lunch, so you can get something to eat.” 

Nathan nodded, before following JJ back downstairs. The room still had its hussle of energy—the room now more awake than he remembered leaving it. 

Once they got downstairs, JJ tried to offer him a full lunch that they had served that day—sandwich, water, chips, fruit and a sugar cookie—but he didn’t have a big enough appetite to eat the full thing, so he settled on the fruit, just a simple red apple. Nathan moved to leave, wanting to head back upstairs to his solace and finish his room so he could finally rest, so he did. Saying a curt goodbye to JJ, he headed back upstairs to get back to work. 

On his way up, he grabbed some trash bags, mop and a bucket, along with a broom. He had cleared out enough space in the attic, moving the undesirables off to the corners of the room—deciding that he would get back to those later—he focused on the main area of the room. Cracking open the window of the attic, he grabbed the broom and got to work. Sweeping away the dirt and dust, even from the ceiling as it all crumbled and fell all around him. 

He worked uncharacteristically hard—the only thing motivating him was the reward of being able to sleep. Once the dust and dirt had gathered around him in a manageable spot, he swept it into a trash bag before tying that off and setting it outside the room, noting to throw it away once he was done. Next, he went to the bathroom that JJ had gestured to him that was on the third floor—another reason why Nathan thought this was all too good to be true. He even had a fully-equipped bathroom on the third floor—with the mop and bucket. Using the hand soap in a small bottle, Nathan shrugged before squirting some of that into the bucket, filling it with water and watching the bubbles grow with excitement, before he dragged it back to the storage room. He took the mop—quite sloppily, but he wasn’t the best cleaner himself—and got to work. Slapping around the mop until it felt good enough that most of the dust was gone, he was satisfied with the effort. 

Once the floor had dried, he dragged out the bed frame—sneezing ever so often. Moving it to the corner by the window, away from the door before going outside to finally grab the mattress. He flinged it on the metal bed frame, and that was enough for him to almost crash on it, but he fought his exhaustion. JJ had brought him a full bed kit—sheets and everything—to which Nathan was grateful for. He grabbed the light blue sheets, haphazardly securing his bed with the bed sheets, throwing on the two large, heavy wool blankets—one was a solid deep red color, while the other was a solid black with the white logo of a rock band that Nathan did not recognize—that served as comforters and made his bed with those. Finishing off with the two pillows—which also had the same blue pillow cases to match—and his bed was made. 

He gazed around the room, and felt somewhat proud of himself. The room was  _ much  _ better than when he first came in. The junk had been removed, dust swept and the floors mopped. His bed was in the corner of the room away from the door, and the dirty couch—which he smacked with his hand to rid of the dirt—was still useful. It’s cushions were soft and were pushed to the back near the middle of the room. There was a small dresser that was no doubt a nightstand, but after shaking the dirt out of it and wiping it down, he used it as a drawer for his clothes. 

The only downside of the room was that it was quite bland. Nathan had everything a room usually should—bed, couch, dresser, lamp—but nothing extraordinary to it. Oh well, he thought to himself. It was just a room—it didn’t need anything fancy. 

Finally he laid down on his new bed. It creaked as his weight was shifted onto it, and he let out a tired groan as he shut his eyes. It wasn’t long until he was asleep. 

— 

A torrent of knocks at his door woke him from his deep slumber. He shot up, heart suddenly racing at the knocks at the door. His fingers began to twitch, as he shook his head rapidly before standing up, heading to the door. 

_ “Chill, Nathan. Don’t stress, bro!”  _

His own voice rang in his head, enough to allow him to stop and wince from the pain of his now throbbing head. His eyes shut tight, yet he still stumbled to the door, and opened it. 

When he craned his eyes open, he was surprised to see that it wasn’t JJ. Instead it was Evie, with a large grin on her face, holding a small box wrapped in a translucent purple scarf. 

“So  _ this  _ is where you’ve been! I was searching all around for you! It’s time for your reading.” Evie spoke, much too loud and quickly for Nathan at the moment, before she pushed the door open and stepped inside his room. 

He was too preoccupied with his own torment to even try and stop her from coming in, only turning to her, a hand clutching his head. “A-a reading?” His voice was shaky and pained. 

She held up the box with a smile. “Yup. Evie’s Special Tarot Readings! For you, it’ll be free but next time you want one, you gotta cough up the money.” 

She sat squarely down on the floor, placing the box in front of her and slowly and neatly unwrapping the thin purple scarf. She then opened the lid of the box, and inside was a deck of cards—the backs design in a turquoise blue with gold trimming of a symmetrical flower. 

“Come and sit!” 

After watching her movements, Nathan’s surge of a headache ceased, only with the annoying throbbing that would last for awhile. 

“What time is it?” Nathan croaked out, with his eyes turning to the window and noticing the dark sky and even darker grey clouds in the sky. 

“It’s almost bedtime so I gotta hurry! Sit down.” Evie gestured in front of her again, and this time Nathan complied, stepping forward before slumping onto the ground, mimicking her crisscrossed stance. “So what reading should we do for you? Past, present, future? No—something more in-depth for you would be nice. Let’s do the 5-card past, present, future!” Evie muttered to herself as she shuffled the cards quickly and with skill. She then placed the deck to her left, and swiped them down across the floor with her hand, sweeping them in a horseshoe motion. 

“I… don’t know what you’re doing.” Nathan cleared his throat. 

“It’s called a tarot reading. The cards help bring you insight or help guide you through your journeys and adventures through life. For you, I’m doing a past, present, future reading for you so that you can gain insight from what you’ve learned or might learn from the past, then use that to grow in the future. Make sense?” Evie explained, and although Nathan thought the whole thing was pointless—not understanding how some  _ cards  _ of all things were going to give him advice—but thought it might be cruel to say something to a small girl who seemed very passionate about it, so he nodded. 

“Great! Now I’ve laid out the cards, and I want you to pick five cards that catch your eye or that you gravitate towards and keep them in order.” Evie explained again, gesturing for Nathan to begin. 

Inside, he rolled his eyes but complied. Picking out five cards that he felt “magnetized” to—he just picked five randomly and quickly—and kept them in order like she said. 

Smiling, Evie cleared out the row of cards, stacking them back into a pile before she brought the five cards in the middle of the two, gazing at them with intensity. 

“Okay! First up for your far past—“ She turned the first card.  _ The Devil.  _ “The Devil, in the upright position. This card can show lust for the material world, as well as physical pleasures. It shows the Devil, watching over his female and male captives, indicating that you might have once been living in fear, trapped over a dominating presence over personal or business matters. Usually this card in a reading would indicate that you need to reel back on your material desires and truly think about what you want and what is needed, but since it is in the far past, it means that you must have escaped this lust and fear.” Evie finished. 

Nathan was silent. It was… oddly accurate. But he shook his head, dismissing it as a coincidence. 

“Next, for the near past we have—“ She turned the second card.  _ Ten of Swords.  _ “Ten of Swords, in the upright position. This one usually represents a tragic ending to a part of your life. As you can see, it shows a man who is dead, with ten swords in his back. This can mean that a part of your life ended quite abruptly, and you did not see it coming. Maybe a relationship, a new chance of scenery, but the point is that it left you feeling lost and betrayed on the inside. Now that this painful thing has happened—you were grieving and could still be—over this painful shock and have lost the ability to trust in anyone, maybe even yourself.” 

It had to be a coincidence, Nathan thought. 

“For the present, we have—“ She turned the third card.  _ Death.  _ Nathan flinched, not expecting such a harsh card. Evie seemed to notice him jump, smiling. “Don’t worry! It’s a scary card when you first look at it, but don’t take it seriously. It means that a major part of your life has ended, and now you’ve let go of some of your worries and have moved on! Perhaps the part of your life when you were grieving? This card is telling you that if you put behind your past, and get ready to embrace new opportunities and challenges that are headed your way, you will soon see renewal and a new healthy balance of life. Death is actually one of the most positive cards in the deck.” 

Was him coming to this homeless shelter the new healthy balance of life she mentioned? And that he had just escaped the most painful, grieving part of his life? Nathan’s questions began to race in his head. 

“For your near future, we got—“ She turned the fourth card.  _ Ace of Pentacles.  _ Evie smiled at seeing this card. “Ace of Pentacles! Another good card! It shows a coin, held out in a cupped hand ready for anyone to take it. This means this is the start for new beginnings, either in wealth, career or maybe even you’ve finally reached a place where you feel content with yourself and where you feel welcome.” 

“And for your last card—the far future! You picked—oh. Hmm.” Evie stared at the fifth card she turned over.  _ Five of Cups _ . But it was upside down. 

“What?” Nathan spoke, feeling agitated by her reaction. 

“Oh, nothing! This is a good card too! Five of Cups, in the reversed position. What this usually means is you’re stuck in the past and can’t forgive yourself and life is just not going how you wanted it but since you got it in the reversed position—it means that this card encourages you to move on, and not blame yourself for the mistakes you have made. It asks you to share your emotional pain with the ones who support you. It even asks you to be daring and take a risk of being vulnerable and open to someone romantically, who will be venturing into your life in your future.” Evie smiled. “And with that, Evie’s Special Tarot Reading is complete! So how’d I do?” 

Nathan was silent. Thinking about it, her reading was  _ scary  _ accurate. His past, a life of greed and fear which ended with him in a mental institution. His present, now left the institution, searching for a new place and with that the new challenges and opportunities that join with him. His future was something still debatable—it sounded like it was going to be good, money wise, but that wasn’t what he was focusing on. He needed to open his heart to someone romantically? Bullshit. There’s  _ no  _ way anyone would like Nathan—but who would it be? 

No—you know what? Nathan wasn’t going to think about it. 

“I take it from your silence that I did pretty good!” 

“Y-yeah.” He finally spoke. 

“Great!” She put the five cards on top of the deck, before putting the deck back into the box and wrapping it with the purple scarf. “You know, your room is pretty bland. You should get some decorations in here!” Evie spoke before standing. “You have some real mysterious energy about you, but I like you! I’ll tell everyone that you’re cool!” 

Were Evie’s last words before she ducked out of his room, and shut his door. 

He sat there on the floor, still reeling over what just happened with his first tarot reading.  _ A love interest?  _

Bullshit, he repeated to himself. He got up off the floor, scrambled to his bed. Near the drawer he put his pills, taking his recommended dosage before crawling into his bed. The sheets were cold and he shivered before settling into the warmth. 

Moments later, he was fast asleep. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nathan is official moved in! he's gonna have his hands full but it should work out. Or will it? 
> 
> also his very first official tarot reading! lemme tell you that was so fun to find out what his cards would be and writing all that hahah i loved it 
> 
> ALSO superrrr sorry for such a late update i've been preoccupied with some other stuff so i seriously apologize but here i am with the next one! i can't promise that the next one will be out soon because he's got a lot of people to meet in the next one so i really wanna take my time with it. 
> 
> but anyone, hope you enjoyed and i'll see you next time! 
> 
> -me


	5. bizarre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grocery shopping. And kids.

* * *

_**V. bizarre** _

_"Life is immutably bizarre."_

* * *

Once again, Nathan had a difficult time sleeping. His mind wandered when his eyes closed, thinking of all kinds of things that weren’t helping him fall asleep. Mostly, his mind wandered to the tarot reading he had gotten. He was curious on what else Evie could do with those cards—he oddly wanted more advice and insight into his life, but at the same time it frightened him. 

He sat up in the creaky bed, at first feeling a slight panic at his surroundings, but he quickly recalled his moving experience the day before. But the anxiety didn’t fade, and he was suddenly entrapped with even more restlessness than before. Checking his phone, he had a text message from JJ. 

It was nearly 9 am. 

_ JJ: _

_ Hey there! Whenever you get up, I have a small task for you. Come downstairs when you’re ready.  _

Nathan rubbed his eyes in an attempt to rid the tiredness from his body. Slowly, he stood—reaching into the cabinet that he placed his clothes in and pulled out a pair of jeans and grey pullover sweater. Slipping on his fake glasses and beanie, putting his phone in his pocket, he headed out and downstairs. 

It was just as alive and rowdy as when Nathan had first entered the shelter. He was surprised at how lively the young children were at such an early time. Well, to  _ Nathan  _ it was pretty early. 

“Nate!” He heard an excited soul shout his name, as he turned his head to see Evie, waving as she ran up to him. “Come on, you gotta meet my friends.”

Evie didn’t hesitate to grab Nathan by his hand, tugging him along over to a round table. Although he wanted to protest, before he could even speak he was already seated at the table with Evie happily plopping down next to him. Along the table was a group of kids—mixing with teenagers and children—as they all looked over to the new guest that Evie had brought over. 

“Look, guys! This is Nate. He’s JJ’s new worker!” Evie introduced, and the group erupted in a manner of smiles and waves. “These are my friends, Nate.” Evie introduced Nathan, who barely had enough time to nod before the kids at the table began to speak up. 

“I’m Mateo, and these are my sisters—Hope and Ana.” A boy spoke up from one side of the table, gesturing to his two sisters. He was hispanic, dark hair shaved into a buzz cut with brown eyes, wearing a dark blue jacket and blue jeans. His sisters were twins, both sharing the same facial features and hair texture, but differing slightly in appearance. Hope had short, curly dark hair, wearing a baby blue shirt and white skirt. Glasses planted on the bridge of her nose, with a book in front of her. Ana had long curly dark hair—messy and unkempt but she seemed fairly happy and didn’t seem to care. She wore a white shirt, harboring a blue flower and a pair of jeans. In her hands was a stuffed animal—a pink bunny. 

“Hi!” Ana waved happily. 

“Nice to meet you.” Hope smiled kindly. 

“What’s up? I’m Isaac.” The boy who sat next to Mateo gave a cool, flick of his head. He was black with short bleached blonde kinky hair, wearing a red sweatshirt and black basketball shorts. 

“I’m Dali.” A girl next to Isaac spoke with a smile. She wore a floral yellow skirt that brushed down to her ankles, and a big grey hoodie—one that looked  _ way  _ too big on her. A black hijab rested beautifully on her head. “And this is Iris.” 

“Hi there.” She waved. She wore a casual pink dress, with a white hijab resting nicely on her head. 

Being introduced to everyone, Nathan quickly repeated the names in his head. He was surprised—they were all so  _ young,  _ some even a little younger than Evie and a bit older than her, but it made him wonder. How did these kids end up in a homeless shelter? Nathan was expecting to see a lot of old people—like Harry—but instead he was greeted with youth. 

“I’m Nathan. Or you can call me Nate, I guess.” He introduced himself, feeling the overwhelming urge to hide himself in his beanie, but figured he shouldn’t worry about a few kids. 

“Nate, are you homeless too?” Ana spoke, causing Nathan to flinch slightly. 

“N-no. Well, I guess—yeah, probably.” He answered uncomfortably, causing the younger children to giggle. 

“Ana, we’re all homeless here, girl.” Issac chuckled lightly, stuffing his hands in his pockets and leaning back in the chair. 

“How homeless are you?” Iris asked from the other side of the table. 

“What?” Nathan immediately responded, not understanding the question. 

“She’s asking if you still got family that actually gives a fuck about you.” Mateo answered, and although Nathan was slightly taken back with his bluntness, he felt the corners of his lips twitch upward. 

“That’s another for my college fund!” Evie quickly inserted beside Nathan, as Mateo playfully rolled his eyes and shrugged it off. 

“Lo siento.” He mumbled with a lazy smile. 

“Mat is gonna owe us  _ all  _ college funds pretty soon.” Dali laughed, her hands resting on her lap. 

“ _ Ah _ , tranquílate. It’s not even that bad!” Mateo replied, before turning to Nathan. “Aye, you cuss, don’t you, Nate?

“He sure does! He cusses 24/7!” Evie grinned next to him, and Nathan’s face shifted into a small frown as he stared at the girl. 

“No, I don’t!” Of course he does, and he knew that. It reminded Nathan of a time when he and Kristine were fighting over these sugar cookies when they were younger. She was yelling that Nathan had been eating all the cookies, only leaving the last one that they both wanted. Nathan bickered with his sister, saying that he didn’t eat a single cookie even though the frosting caked around his mouth was evident. He was confused as to why he did this now, like he was fighting with his sister. Evie laughed, a contiguous laugh that allowed snickers and silent amusement to pass through the table. 

“I see you’ve met Evie’s friends!” JJ’s deep voice sounded behind him, as he turned to see JJ, happy with a beaming smile. “Great! You’re already getting along with everyone! Although I hate to cut in—“ 

Nathan stood from the table. “What is it?” 

“Just a trip to the store. We’re low on some arts & crafts, and snacks. I already got a list.” JJ spoke as he handed Nathan a small paper, with a few things jotted down and a credit card. 

“Ooh, can we go with him?” Evie perked up, a bright smile on her face. 

“I wanna go!” Ana cheered at the table. 

JJ developed a stern yet playful face. “Did you all finish your homework?” 

“Come on, J. It’s the weekend. We’ll do it when we get back.” Isaac pleaded. 

JJ sighed, quiet for a moment as he fought a decision. A small smile grew on his face. “Fine. You can go, but when you get back, Nathan’s gonna help you all with your homework. Right, Nate?” JJ chuckled, patting him on the back. “They can show you where we buy our stuff.” He initiated before ducking back into the kitchen. 

Nathan felt a tug on his sleeve, turning to see Evie pulling him. “Come on, Nate! We gotta get the bags.” The kids at the table stood, scooting out and pushing their chairs back in as they headed towards the door of the shelter. He was trudged along to the door, with all of the youth already waiting by the door, wearing empty reusable bags along their hands and arms. 

They were great friends—Nathan could already tell. Isaac and Mateo led the small group at the front, walking at the same speed. They fistbumped and performed their own special handshake as they engaged in a conversation. Iris lifted Ana on her back, playfully blowing away the long strands of hair that kept sweeping her face while Dali held Hope’s hand, pointing out small things as they walked down the street. Evie was the only one next to Nathan, holding his hand like a little sister might hold her older brother’s hand. She had a smile on her face as she pointed out things across the street and introduced Nathan to the neighborhood and all the stores he could go to. He could tell that Evie was close with them too—sometimes Ana or Isaac would turn, mention an inside joke that Nathan wouldn’t understand and she would giggle. He was annoyed with himself when he felt an edge of his damaged heart smooth and soften—the tiniest prick pierced his heart, and the feeling almost made him want to cry. 

He was jealous. He never had people like this when he was young. 

His fingers twitched in Evie’s hand. 

_ “Oh, boo hoo. You didn’t have friends, you asshole? Sucks to fucking suck. I had friends. And you took me away from them.”  _

Nathan went rigid. Eyes wide with shock. He could feel the sweat bead up in his beanie as his skin went pale and suddenly his feet tingled and felt like they were barely keeping him standing. 

Was that  _ her  _ voice? Nathan could feel the anger in her voice shoot down his spine. 

It had been  _ years _ . And never once, did he hear Chloe’s voice so presently. It had always been the form of memories bottled away—that’s what the  _ psychiatrist _ said. That the voices he hears are from memories. Nathan felt so unstable, so  _ not  _ in control. His hand started to shake—still in Evie’s. An echo of a whale sounded in his head, and could hear footsteps behind him. Loud. Louder than anything Nathan could recognize. Each vibrating step shocked into the ground and Nathan could feel the reminisce of the sound shoot up his body through his feet. It echoed so loud that a sharp ringing blasted through his ears, and as much as he wanted to cry out in pain and cradle himself into the ground, he was still frozen in that same spot of the concrete. 

The footsteps were there, just behind him— 

“ _ You didn’t forget about me, right, Prescott?”  _

“Nate?” A tug from his left and his head jerked to meet Evie’s concerned grayish eyes. Suddenly everything had vanished, and when Nathan understood that he was still on the sidewalk of the street, he sighed. Raising his free hand, he wiped the sweat from his beanie and a haggard sigh left him as he rubbed his face. “Are you alright, Nate?” 

“Y-yeah. Fine.” 

“Ev! Nate! Come on!” A call from Iris came down the street, as the group slowly entered the grocery store just to their right. 

“Do you have a cold, Nate? We could get some medicine.” Evie suggested, eyebrows turning up softly. Nathan shook his head. 

“N-no. I’m fine.” 

“You were shaking pretty hard.” 

“I’m fine.” His voice came out stern. Now he was exhausted and anxious, and tired and sad and so very  _ fucking _ confused. “Let’s go.” He started walking, as Evie followed beside him, watching him closely with concern. Nathan didn’t  _ dare  _ turn around. He didn’t want to actually  _ see  _ her behind him. 

“What does the list say?” Hope asked quietly, the buzz of the luminescent lights humming from the big grocery store. Nathan slipped his hand into his pocket, shakily handing the paper to Hope who read it over to the group. Evie had let go of Nathan’s hand to grab a cart—on her tippy toes as she pushed the noisy cart, walking beside Nathan as the group walked aisle through aisle, grabbing the things they needed before paying, packing up the groceries, paying and leaving. 

—

“Perfect! Let’s go into the kitchen so I can show you where we put our things.” JJ greeted them as they carried in the full bags of groceries. He sent the kids away to go and get their homework done. The kitchen was fairly nice equipped with stainless steel equipment—stoves, ovens, and a refrigerator. It was like one of those professional kitchens, just smaller. Yet there was still plenty of space for room and plenty of counter space and cabinets and drawers to fit anything. Cleaning off the counters and wiping down the stove and kitchen were three souls, who looked over to Nathan and JJ as the swinging door was pushed open.

“Nate, this is Sara, Shawn and Theodore. They’re usually helping me run this place.” JJ introduced. 

Sara—a black woman with a round face and dark brown eyes smiled; with long braids that spilled down her back, tied in a low ponytail, wearing ripped jeans and a light purple sweater. Shawn—a white guy with peachy skin waved, before helping Nathan by relieving him of a grocery bag. He had dark red hair and light green eyes, with a few freckles dusting over his nose, wearing a black pullover and jeans. Theodore waved—a white guy with olive skin and brown eyes, with messy blonde hair and glasses, wearing a red t-shirt and jeans. 

“Psst! JJ! Come here!” Evie poked her head into the kitchen, beckoning JJ over her. Before he left, he turned to the rest of his workers. 

“Go ahead and show Nathan where we put things, and once you’re done Nate, I got a bunch of kids that need tutoring!” JJ grinned with a light chuckle, before leaving with Evie. 

Sara chuckled, grabbing the last bag in Nathan’s hand and setting it on the counter—emptying the contents as she reached in to grab the items. “He’s joking, but I bet they  _ would  _ like it if you could do some of their homework for them.” Her chuckle was light and comforting to hear and Nathan couldn’t help but think that she was also  _ very  _ pretty. 

“JJ roped you in, too, huh? Well, you’re not the first.” Theodore laughed, before walking over to Nathan and holding out his hand. “I’m Theodore, but you can just call me Teddy.” 

Nathan shook his hand—inwardly cringing because he knew his hands were cold and sweaty. “I’m Nathan. Or you can call me Nate.” His eyes averted mid-sentence, glancing to the ground before back at him. He felt uneasy about the odd way that Teddy was looking at him—Nathan didn’t miss the way that his eyebrows scrunched just slightly in confusion as he looked at him.

“Nice to meet ya.” Shawn nodded towards him, and Nathan sent him a small one back. They showed him where different food items go and condiments go around the kitchen, as well as where the pots and pans and plates and utensils. 

“S-so… how long have you all been working here?” Nathan spoke, feeling nervously obligated to talk. He hadn’t actually socialized with anyone in a long time. Like,  _ four years.  _

“Sara and I started about half a year ago. We’re in graduate school at the University of Washington, and are doing an internship type of thing here for our degrees.” Shawn answered, as Sara nodded. 

“Psychology.” Sara said in a small playful voice, holding up a peace sign. 

“I’m on my gap year, so this is my job for the time being. It’s a pretty great gig—JJ is absolutely the best, and the kids are pretty well behaved and get along great with each other.” Theodore explained with Sara and Shawn agreeing, before he turned to Nathan. 

“What about you, Nathan? JJ said that you got the attic space upstairs, which is pretty cool. ” 

Shit. Why was he such an  _ idiot?  _ He didn’t even have a basic story that he could tell. It wasn’t like he was going to tell them that he killed someone in the bathroom of his high school and just got acquitted from a psychiatric hospital in Oregon then came up here before anyone noticed he was gone. 

_ “Yeah, cause they might call the cops on you if you do. Actually, that might not be such a bad idea.”  _ Chloe chuckled behind him, and he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand. 

“I-I was traveling and—“ His voice came out squeaky and unconfident, so he cleared his throat before Teddy interrupted him. 

“Oh! So you’re on a gap year, too?” 

No. “Y-yeah.” 

“Are you from Seattle?” Shawn asked next. 

“No, I was born in Florida but t-then I moved here.” Nathan had to hide his hands behind his back so that they couldn’t see his hands shake uncontrollably. He clenched his fist and felt the unbearable tingle of an inch shoot through his hands, hidden underneath his skin. 

“Ah, so you’re like new to Seattle. There’s a lot you can do here! Maybe when we’re all free we could show you around.” Sara offered kindly, and Nathan nodded, averting his gaze to the tile ground. 

“Yeah. JJ happened to see me and he offered me a job and a place to stay.” His voice became more quiet. 

“That sounds like JJ. Dude helps anyone and everyone he can. He even brought in this old man a few nights ago and got him food and a good night’s sleep, and was helping him with some job opportunities too.” Teddy smiled. 

“He does all that  _ and  _ still takes care of all the kids and families here. He’s a great guy, so we try to be as good to him as we can. It’s the least we can do.” Sara acknowledged and Nathan nodded. He knew JJ was a great guy—Nathan just hoped he wouldn’t fuck it up. 

“Nate!” A small voice sounded from the door, and he turned to see Iris, waving at him as she peeked her head into the door. “Come on!” 

“It seems like you’re being called. By the way, have you met Chayten yet?” Shawn chuckled as Iris waved at the rest of them before ducking away. 

Nathan shook his head. 

“Chayten’s the youngest one here, I think. He’s super cute, but can get worked up sometimes.” Shawn explained, with Teddy and Sara nodding. 

“He has Asperger’s.” Sara spoke in a sympathetic tone. “But once he gets comfortable with you he’ll talk your ear off. He’s great. Make sure you meet him soon—I’m sure he’ll like you but he is usually pretty shy at first.” 

Nathan’s eyebrows raised as he took in this information, nodding before turning and leaving the kitchen. 

Fuck, he was tired. He was surprised he was still standing. But now he was worried. He hadn’t had a vivid voice in his head in years. Maybe due to the fact that he was being shot full of drugs and medicine to prevent his schizophrenic symptoms from recurring as often. Why was this happening? He  _ thought  _ he was getting better—his doctors  _ said  _ he was getting better. That’s the only reason he was able to leave in the first place. He shouldn’t be hearing her like that, he shouldn’t be  _ seeing  _ Chloe. He couldn’t bear it. He needed to take his meds as soon as he could. 

“Nate, do I carry the one or is it supposed to be subtracted?” Hope asked, pencil in hand as she looked down to her assignment. Nathan was not the best student when it came to education. He spent more time being studied and poked by psychiatrists and spending more of his time being angry and vulnerable that school was something he didn’t care about as much. His grades were always pretty shit, only covered up by his father paying his teachers to clean up Nathan’s reports. 

Looking hard at the paper, and series of numbers—although he was terrible in school, he was somewhat decent at math. 

“I think you carry the one.” Nathan sat in a chair next to Hope, hands in his lap as he slouched forward slightly. She nodded, doing what he said and smiled when she got an answer that seemed right. 

“Thanks.” She smiled at him. “Are you really smart?” 

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Hell no.” 

His bluntness made Hope giggle quietly, before turning back to continue her homework. He helped Ana and Evie with their homework too—he learned that Ana and Hope were ten, Evie is 11, Dali is 16 and Iris is 13, with Mateo being 17 and Isaac is 16. He could help Ana, Hope, Evie and Iris with their simple algebra and long division, but Dali, Mateo and Isaac were a lost cause. They were doing some crazy form of algebra with letters and exponents, and Nathan wanted no part of it. 

“Hey, Nate. Why don’t you hand out these snacks to everyone then you can go relax. I still want you to get your room set up before you start officially working.” JJ spoke, coming to relieve him as he handed Nathan a box of small packages of trail mix. He nodded, taking the bag and handing it to everyone at the round table before he went around, delivering to the rest of the kids and families in the shelter. 

He was still left with a bunch of trail mix packages, and the only child he had missed was sitting by the window at a small square table—ones you see at a preschool or kindergarten. He approached him. 

The boy was small—couldn’t be more than seven or six years old. His hair was a reddish-brown, with tan skin and light brown eyes, wearing clear-rimmed panto glasses. He was coloring with some crayons and in a coloring book. His gaze was focused on the page. 

“Hey. Do you want a snack?” Nathan asked, holding out the package to the child. The child stopped coloring, glancing at the snack, then Nathan as he took it from Nathan’s hand, setting it next to his coloring book. 

“Thank you.” It came out squeaky and innocent. It was very cute. 

“No problem.” Nathan was about to leave when the boy spoke again. 

“What’s your name?” 

Nathan set the box on the table, as he sat down in the chair in front of the boy. “Nathan. What about you?” 

“Nathan.” The boy repeated the name to himself, muttering it a couple more times before an amused smile settled on his face. “Nathan, Chayten. Our names rhyme.” 

Nathan nodded slowly. “So you’re Chayten?” 

Chayten nodded. His eyes looked over Nathan for a quick moment before back to his coloring paper. Nathan took the small moment to look over him. He really was a cute kid. On first impressions, he looked quiet. He wore a colorful shirt with a squirrel in the middle, with jeans and a black sweatshirt on top. 

“Ten.” Chayten spoke again. 

“What?” 

“I like when people call me Ten.” 

Nathan nodded. “Okay. I’ll call you Ten.” 

Chayten smiled. “Do you like animals?” 

“U-uh, sure.” The sudden change of topic caught Nathan off guard. Chayten nodded more to himself than Nathan. “Is that what you’re coloring?” 

Chayten nodded again, setting the crayon on the table before holding up the book for Nathan to see. It was a bunny being colored pink and turquoise. “Is that your favorite animal?” 

“No.” Chayten answered, setting the book back on the table and grabbing the crayon again. “I like deer.” 

Nathan smiled a bit. “Deer? Not a cat or dog?” 

“Deer are quiet and nice. They just wander.” He answered, dragging a crayon over the thin paper. Nathan cleared his throat and scratched at the skin beneath his hand. “Are you new here, Nathan?” 

“Yeah, I am.” 

Chayten stopped coloring to glance at Nathan, always averting his eyes before the contact became too long. “Are you good or bad?” 

Nathan blinked at that question. “Bad.” He answered before he completely thought it over. But it didn’t need much thought. 

Chayten giggled. “That’s what good people say.” 

A small bitter smile grew on Nathan’s face as he looked away, eyeing the outside. The sky was bright, but still cloudy. A tired sigh led him as he stood, grabbing the half-full box of trail mix. 

“Will I see you again soon?” Chayten asked. 

“I live upstairs, so probably.” Nathan was stopped again. 

“Nathan, wanna color with me later?” Ten asked, now turned in his chair to look at Nathan. 

Of course, Nathan nodded with a small tug at the corner of his lips. “Sure, kid. Later.” 

Chayten gave a small wave with his small hand, before turning back to his coloring book. 

Nathan returned the box to the cupboard, chatting with his co-workers for just a bit longer before he retreated to the solitude of his still unfinished room, making a beeline for his bed as he crashed onto it. 

He let an exhausted sigh escape him as his head hit his flat pillow, looking towards his makeshift dresser and grabbing the bottle of pills on the top. He popped his normal prescription in his mouth, dry swallowing as he looked towards the dusty ceiling. 

He hasn’t talked this much in so long. His throat was dry, head throbbing. Feeling the prod of something solid dig into his hip, he pulled out his phone. He didn’t have social media nor contacts of any sorts except JJ, but he was curious. It was the bad type of curiosity—the one Nathan knows would bring out bad memories and more of his self-hatred, but he _ was  _ curious. 

He started with a few people he remembered from high school. Hayden Jones seemed to be thriving—going to an art school in California where he was partying, getting high, and making out with girls. He seemed pretty happy from what Nathan could see from his Safari’s Facebook. Taylor Christensen and Courtney Wagner were both at the same university somewhere in Oregon. They were just starting their senior year, seeing as most colleges started in late September. A part of him wanted to look up Victoria’s social media, and see what she was up to. He imagined that she was at some private school or maybe studying abroad, living her life and drinking wine and partying and bitching about life. 

Nathan was a coward. He was too scared. If she was actually doing terrible, he didn’t want to see. If she was extremely happy, he didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to see her living her best, without him. It was stupid to think—Nathan  _ put  _ himself where he was, but it didn’t stop the deep feeling of hurt piercing his heart. Victoria’s his best friend. Victoria  _ was  _ his best friend. He missed her. 

Feeling frustrated with himself, he put his phone on the nightstand. He stared up tiredly at the ceiling until eventually his eyes got heavy, and he fell into a nap. 

—

He woke up nearing the end of the afternoon. The sun was beginning to set, allowing the cloudy sky to darken. Checking his phone for the time, it was nearly 4 pm. He sat up, looking around at the leftover boxes and junk still piled up in his room. He decided he might as well finish up and move some things around. 

Cleaning up a bit more, rearranging items in his room. He found a dusty dresser hidden behind the wall of boxes. Clearing out the bugs that jumped at him—a nest of spiders. He cringed when he saw them—wiping each drawer with hot water and soap and drying them out, he moved the dresser to the leftmost corner of the room. 

Sighing when he was done—noting that he should shower tonight—gazed around at his finished room. The walls were still vacant and needed decoration, but he now had a dresser where he put his few clothes, and even cleaned off a dirty bookshelf and settled some of the books that he found in boxes on it, putting it towards the back in the middle part of his room. A soft red carpet that was previously rolled and collecting insects was cleaned, now placed in the middle of his room with his couch atop of it. His couch was way cleaner after he took some time to vacuum the dirt out. The only thing that Nathan would need would be a TV to complete his room, maybe some posters and some decorative lights, but for now, he was pretty content with his room. 

Checking his phone, it was about 6 pm. He was ready for bed, if he was being honest, but his headache and exhaustion had lessened with his nap. He was just left with his muscle spasms and same erratic, deteriorating thoughts. He reached for one of his prescription bottles. He still had plenty of pills—a goodbye present from the psych ward—but he didn’t know what he was going to do when he ran out. His pills were the only thing that kept him from exploding. 

He set it back on the dresser, and sighed. He tightened his fists to stop his fingers from flailing out wildly, scratching the unbearable itch that dug itself in his hand, leaving rough and red jagged scratches on his pale skin. He pushed his fake glasses up the bridge of his nose, as he stood, heading to the first floor to see if JJ needed help with anything else. 

He instead, was greeted with a cake. 

Mostly everyone in the shelter were all residing in round tables as they finished up dinner—spaghetti. He was greeted with a table of grins and smiles as JJ lit up the single colorful candle that held the letter  _ N.  _ Sara, Teddy and Shawn were there as well as the children that Nathan had met that morning, all cheering as they saw Nathan walk through the door. 

“There you are! We were just about to call for you!” JJ smiled as Nathan approached the round table, looking at the big round cake decorated in white frosting and yellow roses made from frosting along the side of the cake, with sprinkles at the top. In yellow letters wrote:  _ Welcome, Nate!  _

Nathan was so confused. “What… is this?” He whispered, more to himself than anyone else. 

“It’s a welcoming cake.” Sara smiled as Evie spoke from her seat at the table. 

“Everyone gets one when they come to Sacred!” Evie explained, waving a happy hand at Nathan. 

“It’s tradition.” Dali spoke, smiling.

“Welcome to our dysfunctional ass family.” Isaac grinned, chuckled. 

“Another for my college fund!” Ana cheered happily. 

“Welcome to Sacred, Nate! I don’t expect you to be here forever, but while you’re here and when you leave, you’ll always be family.” JJ patted Nathan on his shoulder, smiling genuinely. 

The table rang out in a chorus of  _ welcomes _ . Nathan was frozen—struck with surprise. He didn’t deserve this. Really, he didn’t. 

But here they were, urging Nathan to blow out the candle as JJ began to cut the cake, putting small pieces on small plastic plates as the kids, JJ and the staff helped pass them out to everyone. 

They were so kind. Nathan didn’t deserve this. He felt so guilty. He didn’t deserve this. But that didn’t stop the small, sad smile growing on his face as he slowly ate the sweet dessert, listening as the kids talked and laughed amongst each other. He was so sad but it was a happy moment. The smallest part of him felt happy. It had been so long since he remembered the feeling and although it was  _ barely  _ there, it was enough for him in that moment. 

It almost made him forget about how Chloe scoffed in his ear. Almost made him forget about her anger that he could feel emulating as heat at the back of his neck. 

In that moment, surrounded by kind people and cake, it was almost enough for him to cry. 

_ “Good for you, Nathan.”  _

A voice sounded in his head. One he hadn’t heard in so long. Light and gentle—it gave him the impression of a bird. Her voice was wavy with an amused chuckle, yet it felt so warm and friendly. He could almost picture her smiling at him. 

_ Rachel?  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there! sorry for the long wait! i was working on some other things but i finally got around to this!
> 
> A few things to note:  
> \- a lot of OCS! there are many youth and children in the shelter, about twenty souls total, but for the purpose of time, whenever i mention "the kids" or "the children," the sole focus will be on Mateo, Hope, Ana, Isaac, Iris, Dali, Evie and Chayten.  
> \- i KNOW that this is not how a homeless shelter is actually run, but i'm going for a happier and more freer environment so please just know that i totally know that this probably is not how a homeless shelter is actually run, but we are just going with it for now.  
> \- Nathan (as i'm sure you all know) has multiple psychological disorders, including a schizoaffective/schizophrenic tendencies symptoms, so the people he "hears and sees" are a part of those hallucinations. Of course, his experience is different than others who have schizophrenic symptoms so good thing to keep in mind that this is how I am writing what Nathan is like while facing the disadvantages of his disorders.
> 
> I think that's it! Thanks so much for being super patient and kind! I love all your comments and being open to Nathan's growth. I know it's kinda hard since he DID like kill people and did a lot of other bad things, but this story is not to justify any of that. What he did was completely awful and wrong, but this is about his mental growth and learning about himself now that he is free again. 
> 
> i'll see you soon! thank so much for reading! 
> 
> -me


	6. uncanny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time skip, growing friendships, tiny food videos. Oh, and Warren.

* * *

_**VI. uncanny** _

_”The uncanny is something hidden which ought to have remained missed but which is brought to light.”_

* * *

Two months passed from that night. Leaving the after-heat of September, now entering the chilly season of mid-November. 

Nathan grew in his time at Sacred. Without having any other prior engagements except his job, a significant amount of his time went in his growing relationships with the people who surrounded himself around. He allowed himself to be slightly more open to the people around him—he felt like letting a small huff of amusement or a small smile grace his features every once in a while wouldn’t be  _ too  _ bad. 

The kids loved it. A good portion of his time was spent with them, learning more about their personalities and small habits as he either helped with some math homework, took them to the park, grocery shopping, or walked them to and from their nearby school. It took some getting used to, but he didn’t mind it. In fact, he liked being a somewhat glorified babysitter. They kept him on his toes, more alert than he had been in years. 

Nathan could feel that he connected with Mateo and Isaac greatly. They were young boys who reminded Nathan a lot of himself when he was in high school. Although Nathan didn’t have a close connection with any of the guys he could call  _ best friends _ , he did have a few experiences with Hayden. He would listen as Mateo and Isaac would talk about some girls in their school, asking Nathan for his two-sense, which he would make a comment that would make the two of them laugh. Nathan was introduced to some new music artists from the two of them—hip hop and rap artists, as well as some slowed and lofi beats that he enjoyed. He learned a bit about Mateo’s and Isaac’s past. 

Mateo had the unfortunate accident of losing his mother when he was young, leaving him and his sisters with an abusive father. They endured his abuse for years until finally, one night, when his father was drunk and asleep, he grabbed his sisters and ran. They walked all the way from Portland to Salem, only to get questioned by the police. They managed to get away from the police, hitchhiking and taking trains and busses all the way to Seattle, where they found Sacred. 

Isaac had suffered from abuse as well, running away from an abusive foster home. His father died in a gang shootout and his mother overdosed, leaving him with a young nephew that was taken into an adoption home, years ago. He took trains and busses all the way to Seattle, only to get picked up by JJ after Isaac tried stealing from JJ in the street. He is still looking for his nephew today. 

Those two invited Nathan to join them for a lot of entertaining moments. Mateo and Isaac loved basketball, and when they would all journey to the park, they’d often want Nathan to play with them. They could never get Nathan to do it, but he didn’t mind watching at the bench as the two played, often asking Nathan to referee their practice games. 

Ana kept Nathan on his toes most days. She had a love for most things that Nathan could not understand nor fathom how a little girl could enjoy so many things. She loved all kinds of food, music, dancing, books, sports, board games and most of all, her sister and brother. She would always offer to help Nathan set up tables, or pass out food or help him clean up after meals. She seemed to enjoy Nathan—often was the first person to rush over to him after a day at school just to tell him about her day and all the things she did. She was a lover of the world, but the one thing that she hated was taking care of her hair. 

It was curly, and because she didn’t have a care about it, it often tangled and knotted. Usually she would ask either Dali or Sara or Hope to help her with her hair, but when they were busy, she would run over to Nathan with a brush full of broken hair and ask him to brush it for her. The first couple times she asked he refused, letting Evie or Mateo take care of it, but eventually he gave in. The first couple times he just brushed it out so all the knots were loose, but the more times she asked she wanted to get more creative with it. She would ask him to braid her hair and Nathan had no idea how to do it, but with the help of Hope and Sara, he eventually learned how to do a simple braid. It was often too tight in some areas then too loose in others, with some hairs poking out, but Ana loved it, and it was enough for her. 

Hope was the kind of kid that everyone wanted in their family. Polite, kind and caring. Nathan learned fairly quickly how much of a bookworm that she was. He would spot her with a new book every week, and then would begin to see the same books being recycled over and over. Eventually he asked her about it—because she knew that Sacred wasn’t  _ growing money on trees,  _ and no matter how much she deserved some new books, she was too grateful to ask for them. Nathan noticed this, offering to show her the collection he had found in the former storage place. That was a good day for her. Nathan helped her carry a stack of new children’s books and a few fantasy novels down to her living area. She has much more variety now, and often when they would venture to the park, she’d grab two or three—knowing she couldn’t finish them all in their short time there, but it made her happy nonetheless—sit next to Nathan on the bench who would be watching Mateo and Isaac scrimmage in a game of basketball, and read. 

Dali, he learned, was pregnant. Something she didn’t mean to happen, but got charmed by a boy in her school who wanted to prove to his friends that he could have sex with any girl, no matter how devout or strict their religious preferences were. Nathan had a few ugly words to say about the boy as Dali explained, but she waved him off with a smile. She had lived with Iris and their extremely strict Muslim aunt, who flew into a rage when she found out what happened. It was a horrible night that ended with Dali and Iris running away. As they made they way to Seattle, Dali had an abortion. It was clear to the doctors and few nurses that they were two lost girls, running away from home. One of the nurses mentioned Sacred, and that’s where they ended up. 

Dali was another person that anyone would be lucky to have as a friend. She’s caring and kind, while also being funny and energetic. She’s a great student— _ incredibly  _ smart, Nathan could already tell. Advanced chemistry, biology, physics—she seemed to be doing it  _ all.  _ Nathan would sometimes glance over at her homework, and his nose would twitch in  _ disgust  _ when he saw the numbers with the letters with exponents and parentheses—a reaction that would always earn a laugh from Dali. She even tried teaching Nathan a few things from her physics homework, but laughed when she got a shake of his head and the sound of his footsteps retreating away. 

Iris was very competitive. She loved board games and sports—sometimes joining in with Mateo and Isaac on the court. She was loud and enthusiastic, yet she loved to paint. A quiet, often soothing hobby that didn’t seem to fit her personality. She could jump up from her chair in a moment's notice, barely able to keep still but she was so quiet and calm as she painted with cheap watercolor palettes. Nathan doesn’t mind when she asks him to paint with her. Not wanting to use up her paints, Nathan will bring down his cheap sketch book and sketch the scenery of the outside window or the main area of Sacred. His lines are still shaky and unconfident, but he’s been working on proportions and lighting and shadows lately, and it’s definitely getting better. 

Nathan never realized what it could’ve been like with a younger brother until he was with Chayten. Sara was shocked at how Chayten clung to Nathan’s hip. Nathan didn’t do much to earn it. He colored with Chayten almost everyday, something that had already been a part of Chayten’s daily routine. Animals were Chayten’s favorite. They almost went through a full book in one week, before they were forced to switch to foods and nature. 

Nathan was quick to learn about Chayten’s habits. He didn’t like it when it was too loud, but didn’t like it when it was too quiet. He liked to eat breakfast slightly later in the day, and eat dinner a bit earlier. Sometimes he would read with Hope and Dali, or occasionally throw the basketball into the hoop with Mateo and Isaac. He was quiet most times, but  _ loved  _ to talk about animals. It was rare for him to go through an entire day without talking about some kind of animal, and how a certain species liked to live in open water and swim all day. After they would finish coloring, Chayten would follow Nathan for a bit as Nathan completed his other daily tasks. He liked to hold Nathan’s hand, or hold onto his sleeve for comfort. It was like Nathan had a little brother. He wasn’t sure if he wanted or needed one, but that’s certainly what it felt like. 

One fascinating thing that Nathan learned he was quite intrigued by was the many tarot readings that someone could perform. If there were a few things he learned fast, it was zodiac signs, tarot readings and planets. He almost regretted asking Evie that chilly, October day about  _ how those card reading things even work  _ because now he was so completely knowledgeable in the subject that he could stop everything he was doing and open an occult shop. Not  _ actually,  _ but it sure felt like it the way she would talk his ear off. Evie was a delightful excitement for Nathan. They would bicker at times, but it always seemed to be forgotten within moments. He didn’t know why, or what parts of their personalities that mended so well together, but he seemed to get along the best with her. Evie thinks it’s because she’s a Taurus, but Nathan wasn’t quite sure what it was. Kristine is a Taurus too, but he didn’t know if that was just a coincidence.

Shawn and Sara were the closest that Nathan could call good friends. He felt that way because they were mostly all the same age. It almost reminded him of his time with a few people that he would hang out with from the Vortex Club. Nathan learned that Shawn had a crush on Sara from Teddy, but Shawn seemed a little nervous whenever he told Nathan and Teddy that he was going to tell her and chickened out. Sara and Shawn made him feel like he himself was in college. Most days, they were busy with essays and assignments and readings and projects that they would bring their homework with them to work, sitting at a table with the kids or inside the kitchen atop of a clean counter as they complained and groaned about their school work. They did a lot of outside chores and tasks together—grocery shopping, leaf raking, recycling, can drives—it was work, but they made it much more enjoyable. 

Teddy was a great smoking buddy. Weed, cigarettes, he made the experience much like how he would feel when Nathan would get high with Hayden. Teddy introduced Nathan to a nice shop that he would pass on his way home. He convinced Nathan to ditch the cigs and buy a vape instead—advocating that cigarettes were bad for Nathan. Nathan didn’t really see the difference, but he got a new vape  _ and  _ a dab pen, with some joints and edibles. They’d talk about movies and clothes, and their favorite alcoholic drinks and chasers. Nathan was finally able to get a fake ID from one of the stores that Teddy had suggested. He was now “officially” Nathan Chase. 

He felt the closest to Teddy. They were the same age, were fairly interested in the same things as kids. Teddy didn’t have school, so he didn’t mind staying extra late so that he and Nathan could smoke when Sacred had “gone to sleep” and JJ had left for the night. Teddy was a cool dude, and Nathan didn’t mind hanging with him every once in a while. 

Nathan didn’t know how he got lucky and seemed to meet the most genuine person in the entire world. Nathan had spent his whole life in a town full of people who lived to hate each other. He got the impression that he couldn’t trust anyone from when he lived in Arcadia. But JJ—he was a great guy. It was already enough that he got Nathan a job—that paid pretty decently—and a place to stay, but he would take it even further and would invite Nathan to dinner with his family. JJ’s girlfriend was very welcoming and kind when she and Nathan first met—greeting Nathan with a hug followed by a hug from Zoe, and he already felt like a small extension of the family. 

JJ’s girlfriend, Ria Myers, was a family lawyer, who often worked with child protective services and helped with some legal battles and the governmental aspect of Sacred. She and JJ had been together for more than ten years now, knowing each other from middle school. She had dark skin like JJ, with healthy dark hair and clear skin that seemed to glow. Her smile was as charming as JJ’s, teeth white and shiny. Nathan could easily see where Zoe got her looks from. Ria was beautiful and could tell that she was a great mother. That same night, he asked JJ why he hasn’t proposed to her yet. JJ laughed, shrugging nervously, and Nathan demised that JJ was also too chicken to do it. 

Nathan changed a bit through the weeks. His cheeks were a bit fuller—beginning to eat a bit more. His skin wasn’t as pale anymore, as he began to get some color in his skin. He still held the red splotches as he scratched the itch that burrowed under his skin, but it was better than before. His eyes were a bit bluer, with some of the cloudiness clearing. The semi-permanent black hair dye washed out slowly with every wash, leaving his hair a dark reddish-brown. It had gotten fairly long—unruly curls sweeping his neck. Ria had been kind enough one of the nights that JJ had invited him over for dinner and offered to cut Nathan’s hair when he mentioned it. A clump of hair and a pair of scissors later, and Nathan’s hair was short again. Almost like how he looked in high school—trimmed short in the back and left longer in the front. He used to run some gel through his hair so it looked more clean and precise, but he left it a wavy, curly mess of bangs that fluttered on his forehead. 

He managed to get some posters in his room, with the eventual giving in to Evie’s constant pleading to get some decorations in his room. He had an emo poster of a band called Firewalk, a DC Justice League poster, and a Powerpuff Girls poster—a gift from Evie. He almost protested against the “girly” poster, but he figured it was better than having nothing. 

Nathan was starting to get into reading. When he was roaming through the collection with Hope, he saw some covers that looked somewhat intriguing. He wasn’t finding his phone too entertaining. He didn’t want to download social media—because he wasn’t planning on posting anything about himself  _ anyway,  _ and he didn’t want to see the people he knew having the time of their lives. He liked YouTube—something to put his mind on something else as he went to bed each night. He either fell asleep to the whales, or listened to some of the new artists that Mateo and Isaac had put him on. He wouldn’t tell anyone, but he liked watching tiny food cooking videos. He was so intrigued and confused by how they could cook these fancy meals with such tiny equipment, and he was even more curious about  _ who the fuck was even eating tiny food like that?  _

But reading was something that Nathan was starting to get into, along with his other hobbies that four years ago he  _ never  _ would think he’d be into. His collection of books consisted of fantasy novels, science fiction, romance and literature. The first book he started and is still reading is the Great Gatsby. He read around a page before he stopped reading it for about two weeks, not understanding the advanced English before he realized that the book was  _ indeed  _ literature, and thus the material is a bit more advanced. After forcing himself to read the first chapter, he found himself interested. He wondered what he would’ve been like in 1922, but surmised that he’d probably still be an asshole and moved into the story. He found that he would look up summaries online so that he could understand the chapter that he had just read, seeing as he wasn’t the most knowledgeable person in the world. 

Nathan’s daily schedule for work kept him from his wanted sleep schedule. He usually liked to sleep until he was wide awake, and if that meant for hours and hours then that’s what it would be. But since he was always the first worker in Sacred—because he lived there—he was usually the first to complete his daily tasks. During weekdays, he woke around seven in the morning, showering and getting ready for the day. His small tasks included warming up the ovens and stoves, setting up the round tables, and getting the utensils and plates set up. Around that time it’s about eight in the morning, with Sara, Shawn, Teddy and JJ coming in and getting their hands washed as they start to prep breakfast. Kids began to trinkle in around that time—they’ve finished getting ready for school and are dressed in warm clothes with their backpacks on, waiting to eat. Food gets served, and when everyone is finished it’s about time to head to school. JJ, Sara, Shawn, Teddy and Nathan walk the kids to school or to the bus stop. The kids are all enrolled at the same school—housing from kindergarten all the way to high school. 

When they get back, Nathan and his co-workers clean up—taking turns sweeping the floor, wiping down tables, or helping wash dishes. The school day doesn’t end until 3 pm, so Nathan spends the rest of the afternoon taking naps, reading or drawing, watching YouTube, talking with Sara and Shawn for a bit before they leave for class or helping JJ with future orders or grocery shopping for the shelter. At 3, he journeys with JJ and Teddy to retrieve the kids, who are more than happy to be leaving school for the day, and the afternoon follows. 

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, people from the community of Seattle will come in and provide group activities for the kids in the shelter as a way to keep everyone’s mental and physical well-being up and to keep everyone happy. Tuesday was always for group therapy with a psychologist and professor who teaches at the University of Washington, while Thursday they’ll have people from all over bringing activities—cooking, recreation, science experiments, games, sports—it was always something that most of the kids enjoyed. 

Nonetheless, he was doing better. He had gotten better at remembering to take his medication. The whispers of voices and scattered hallucinations still plagued him, but he managed to keep them at a minimum with his regular scheduling of diazepam and risperidone, mixing in some ibuprofen for his headaches and some weed for comfort. His guilt haunted him the most—after he had a decent night or had a meaningful moment with one of the kids, JJ or his coworkers, he’d still go to sleep with the nagging feeling of painful culpability. Everything was going  _ too  _ well, it made Nathan suspicious. Something bad was bound to happen, and he didn’t know when or where it would, but the mere thought was enough to keep him up at night. 

— 

“I  _ hateeee  _ biochem.” Sara groaned from the empty, clean counter of the kitchen, typing away at a report on her laptop, with books and papers scattered all around. Today was Monday, November 11th. A chilly, cloudy day as usual in Seattle. The leaves of the trees had begun to change color, from the vibrant cool green to now a warm orange and red, scraping against the ground. “Like chemistry is already hard enough.” 

“This shit is actually hard. And our teacher  _ sucks.”  _ Shawn complained next to Sara, also typing away at his laptop with a stressful huff escaping him. 

“What do you have to do?” Nathan asked, as he cleaned the pans and plates used for breakfast in the large sink. 

“We have this lab report and presentation that’s due next Wednesday, but our teacher is such a stickler when it comes to wording so we have to get this  _ perfect.”  _ Sara spoke, huffing with a shake of her head as she typed. 

“I really need my grade to go up so we have to do good on this.” Shawn sighed. 

“Will you get it done before your class today?” Nathan asked, knowing that Sara and Shawn usually leave before noon to head to the university. 

“No, luckily he cancelled class today so we have more time to work on it.” Shawn answered, flipping through his book. 

“I think we’ll probably be here all day.” Sara muttered as Nathan nodded, finishing the dishes and put them in the rack to dry. He wiped his hands dry, before walking over and glancing at their report. 

“Eighteen pages? Fuck, how much do you have to write?” Nathan spoke with surprise, earning a chuckle from Sara and Shawn. The door to the kitchen squeaked open, with Teddy entering with a broom and dust pan, securing it in a small corner of the kitchen. 

“How many pages are y’all at?” Teddy grinned, teasing as Sara rolled her eyes. 

“They’re at eighteen.” Nathan answered. 

“And  _ still  _ going.  _ Ugh _ , this is the worst.” Shawn sighed. 

“How many pages do you need?” Teddy asked, standing near Nathan. 

“Twenty-two minimum. Double spaced.” Sara sighed frustratingly. “At least we have Warren in our group.” 

Nathan’s body stilled. A pang of anxiety shot through his heart, but he wasn’t sure why. “Who?” He spoke with a confused frown. 

“Oh, it’s just this guy in our class. He’s pretty fucking smart so we’re lucky to have him in our group or else we’d fail.” Shawn chuckled. 

Warren? Why did that name sound familiar? 

“Seriously. He’s saving our asses.” Sara added. “Nate, are you planning to reapply for school? They’re starting their early application stuff now if you’re interested.” 

“Probably not. School might not be for me.” Nathan spoke hastily, earning an understanding nod from Sara. “Are you guys… friends with this Warren guy?” He could’ve  _ sworn  _ that name sounded so familiar. 

“Not really, but he’s one of the smartest people in our class. Me and Sara like to call him Dr. Graham.” Shawn chuckled, and Nathan could feel his skin run cold. 

Warren…  _ Graham?  _ Now he  _ knew  _ that was a name he heard before. And if it was a name that he’d heard, that wasn’t good. His memory was  _ so fucked _ —he couldn’t place it. Was he from Arcadia Bay? Or maybe Sara and Shawn had mentioned his name before and Nathan didn’t notice until now? 

_ God— _ why couldn’t he remember? He was getting stressed out. 

“He’s really nice though. Cute, too. He’s actually going to come by so we can work on the assignment. Speaking of which—“ Sara spoke, before looking to Teddy and Nathan. “He’ll be here around 3, so could you two kinda help us out with the kids? It shouldn’t be for too long.” 

Teddy grinned, slipping an arm around Nathan’s shoulder and sent her a thumbs-up. “No prob! Me and Nate can handle it.” 

Nathan could only nod—he wasn’t in the position where he could say no. They talked for a bit more, before Nathan excused himself. 

“I’ll be upstairs.” Was his usual goodbye, before stalking off and heading to his room. 

He could feel his fingers twitching as he headed to his room, clenching his fists tightly. He could feel a headache coming on, and he glanced at the pill bottles on his nightstand. He could see the remainder of pills left—two left in his diazepam bottle and nothing in the risperidone. 

Great _.  _ He thought. He wouldn’t be able to stop the voices. 

_ “Good thing for me, huh?”  _

Chloe’s voice rang in his head, and he winced at how  _ loud  _ her voice was. 

_ “You better get used to this, Prescott. I’m gonna be the one to kill you next.”  _

“Leave me alone.” Nathan muttered, eyes squeezed shut as he endured the searing stabs to his brain. A few moments passed and the pain subsided. 

He was proud of himself to still be standing—usually a spell like that would’ve sent him to the floor, but wasn’t feeling that weak in his body anymore. He stalked to his bed, sinking down on it with a sigh. 

He reached for his book, opening it to his last spot—he folded the corner of the page to keep his place. He plugged in his headphones to his phone, playing some music to help keep his mind from wandering too far, and began reading. 

About an hour passed, with Nathan nearing the middle of the novel when his phone buzzed in his lap. He looked to see a text from JJ, asking him to come to his office. Nathan folded the corner of the page of the Great Gatsby, and set it next to the near empty pill bottles as he made his way downstairs. 

He knocked on the door to JJ’s office—on the first floor, adjacent from the kitchen. JJ called for him to come in from inside the room, and Nathan entered. 

“Great! That’s great! I look forward to you taking pictures at our event.” JJ was on the phone, typing something on his computer as he spoke with an excited smile. “Perfect. Thank you. See you then. Bye.” 

The office was a bit small, but cute. His desk was filled with papers with a desktop computer atop of the desk that JJ typed at. He had two comfy chairs across from his desk. On the desk he had a couple framed photos of his family, and along the walls were messy drawings and colorings from children of Sacred, decorating his small white office with color. 

“Hey, Nate! How are you?” JJ greeted, clicking some things on his monitor with a smile as he glanced at Nathan. 

Nathan sat in the chair, slouching with his usual posture and sinking his hands into the pockets of his large grayish blue sweatshirt. “Good. You?” Was Nathan’s usual response. 

“Doin’ good, doin’ good…” JJ nodded, typing something on the computer before looking at Nathan. “So!” He clapped his hands together, causing Nathan to flick his eyebrows up in curiosity. “We got a lot of orders to make!” 

“For what?” Nathan asked, earning JJ’s attention. 

“Thanksgiving!” JJ smiled, before noticing Nathan’s slightly confused face. “Oh, have I not told you? That’s my bad.” JJ opened a drawer from his desk, lifting a piece of paper before handing it to Nathan. 

It was a flyer. On the front in big, holiday font of a mix of warm brown, oranges, yellows and reds read: 

_ SACRED’S ANNUAL THANKSGIVING!  _

_ THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 28th _

_ 6 PM to 9 PM _

_ BRING YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY FOR A FREE MEAL!  _

_ FREE OF CHARGE — A CELEBRATION OF TOGETHERNESS _

_ DONATIONS ARE GREATLY ACCEPTED & APPRECIATED _

“Thanksgiving.” Nathan muttered, looking over the flyer. He had completely forgotten. It was never something that was big in his family. His mom wasn’t the best cook and his dad was always at work or in business meetings, and Kristine had already made plans to spend it with another actually loving family that wasn’t her own. Nathan used to love holidays with his family when he was young. He’d run around and be a terror—having Kristine chase him around as he tried to peek at the presents or stuck his hand in the food being cooked by chefs his father hired. But it had been so many years since then, that he truly could not remember the last time that he sat with his family on Thanksgiving. “I forgot about Thanksgiving.” He spoke quietly, more to himself than to JJ. 

“Thanksgiving and Christmas is a pretty  _ big  _ deal here. If you think this is crazy, just wait until Christmas. Ana and Ev will talk about it for  _ weeks.”  _ JJ chuckled, earning a small smile from Nathan. 

“This is a pretty big event we put on at the shelter, so we get hundreds of people all over Seattle. So—we need  _ a lot  _ of food.” JJ explained, and Nathan nodded slowly. “And we have to prepare the food.” 

“I can’t cook.” Nathan spoke blankly, earning a laugh from JJ—usually quite contagious and Nathan couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face whenever he heard it. 

“You won’t need to! We get volunteers from the colleges all around Seattle who’ve been with me for years now. I already got our usual orders in, but now I just need yours.” 

“Mine?” 

“Yeah. What is your favorite dish at Thanksgiving? Preferably something that doesn’t require too many ingredients or anything too expensive.” JJ spoke, readying himself to type. 

Nathan blinked. He was asking him for  _ his  _ favorite dish? What did he do to meet the most genuine guy ever? 

He opened his mouth to speak—

_ “You killed me. That’s how you met him.”  _ Chloe’s voice stopped him, and Nathan’s small smile fell into a painful frown. 

JJ noticed his silence then his confliction, looking at him with some concern. “You good, Nate?” 

His voice snapped Nathan out of his daze. Nathan nodded quickly—a little too quick to be believable—and shrugged. “I’m good with anything. Doesn’t matter.” 

“You sure? We have enough money to buy the ingredients for another dish.” 

Nathan nodded again—once again, too quickly to be believable. “Yeah.” 

He loved baked macaroni. When the Prescotts  _ did  _ have Thanksgiving, his favorite was always baked macaroni. 

“Okay.” JJ spoke. “Well, that’s all I had. Let’s meet at the doors at—“ He stopped to glance at his watch. “In about five minutes at 2:40. And I think Teddy was looking for you in the kitchen.” 

Nathan nodded, turning to leave his office and began heading to the kitchen. 

Pushing the swinging door open, it squeaked, alerting that a presence was entering. Teddy leaned against the counter, typing away on his phone as he turned to see Nathan, sending him a grin. 

“Yo, Nate! Come check this out.” Teddy waved him over, as Nathan sluggishly walked over. Teddy handed Nathan his phone, as he eyed the screen. 

Teddy was a true emo thrasher. He loved dark clothes, chains, piercings, and rock and alternative music. He had good style, liked beanies and loved to skate. So naturally, he was always looking at skateboards. Teddy showed Nathan a whole website of new skateboards, full of different colors and art styles. 

“Are these more skateboards?” Nathan asked, scrolling through for a moment before handing the phone back to an excited Teddy.

“Cool, huh? I’m thinking of either this dragon skull, or the Reaper.” 

“The dragon is cool. I like that one.” Nathan answered. 

“Okay that’s the one I was looking at! Okay, I’m gonna buy that one.” Teddy confirmed, typing on his phone as Nathan glanced around, peeking through the restaurant window and not seeing anyone. 

“Where’s Sara and Shawn?” 

“Oh, they went to get their friend.” Teddy muttered, focusing on his phone before he smiled, shifting his phone into his pocket. “Okay, I bought it! Thanks, Nate.” 

“For what?” They began to walk towards the door, as Teddy wrapped an arm around Nathan’s shoulder in a bro’s embrace. 

“For being real! Too many fake people around, you know?” 

A shot of guilt blasted through Nathan’s heart. “Y-yeah.” 

JJ opened the door to the office just as they swung the kitchen door open, greeting them as they left to go pick up the children. 

They arrived just as the school bell rang throughout the air, emitting a playful air of crowds and laughter, as children to young adults walked out of their institution, engaging with one another. It wasn’t long until they had their whole group with JJ making sure they had everybody before they started to walk back. Nathan was bombarded by Ana and Evie, tugging on his sleeve as they began to tell him about the games they played at recess as Hope slipped her hand into Nathan’s, walking quietly next to him while the girls spoke excitedly. 

They made it back to Sacred a few minutes later, opening the door as the small group of children ran in, putting their bags into their living areas before making themselves comfortable through the shelter. 

“There you are! Nate, come over here!” Sara called out, sitting at a round table filled with papers, books, laptops and computers. 

Ana and Evie were still talking between themselves and Nathan, but he still made his way over with three little girls surrounding him. 

“Nate, this is Warren! You’ll probably be seeing him for a while until we finish this project.” Sara introduced, and when Nathan’s eyes fell to him, a part of his brain cleared. 

Warren Graham.  _ Now  _ he remembered. The nerdy kid that Nathan used to tease before he was arrested. Nathan used to call him names over his shoulder or whenever he bumped into him, as well as the other guys of the Vortex Club. Nathan didn’t remember physically tormenting him, but Warren was definitely someone that was a victim of Nathan’s past. 

“Warren, this is Nate! He’s the guy we were telling you about. He works with us.” Sara finished her introduction, as Warren looked up, locking his brown eyes with Nathan’s dark blue, and the original smile on his face faded as lights flipped on in his head. Warren looked more mature than Nathan had remembered—his hair was shorter than he remembered but still slightly wavy. His face was a tad structured, and Nathan could see the remnants of stubble along his jaw. He looked smarter and older, in a strange way. Warren stared at Nathan, his initial smile falling into confused shock. He looked Nathan up and down like he couldn’t believe he was actually  _ seeing  _ Nathan—like he was studying and comparing the Nathan that he remembered to the Nathan before him. 

Nathan’s heart  _ pounded  _ in his chest. It thumped so hard he could feel it in his ears and head, feeling a headache coming on. His confliction was clear on his face as he looked at Warren, the same way Warren was looking at him—like he couldn’t believe he was actually looking at the kid from his high school. 

Nathan was so scared.  _ Terrified.  _ So many different things sprinted through his head at a million miles a nanosecond.  _ What was he gonna say? Do I have to leave now? I just got here. Fuck. I’m screwed. Fuck. I should’ve never come here. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I should have never had that gun— _

“No way…” Warren breathed so quietly, as he looked at Nathan longer, truly as if he couldn’t believe that  _ Nathan Prescott  _ was standing right in front of him. Yet, it made sense why he thought that. 

Sara and Shawn noticed their strange connection, almost about to comment when another small voice entered from the side. 

“Nathan, what’s for snack?” Chayten’s voice sounded, and Nathan whipped his head to look at the small boy, who was looking up at him innocently as he pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. 

“Yeah! I hope it’s Poptarts again.” Evie smiled, thinking of the treat as Ana nodded. 

“Come on, let’s get our snack! I’ll help you, Nate.” Ana offered, as the two began to try dragging Nathan back, but his overall weight was too much for two small girls. 

Nathan didn’t know why, but he looked at Warren, locking eyes, as he sent him a small nod his way, before being dragged off by the hungry children. 

Nathan didn’t know what to think. He felt so lost and angry and annoyed and  _ sad _ . He really got unlucky. He should have kept traveling down the west coast. Gone to one of the hidden forests in Oregon and live in a shack in the woods. Live with all the deer and mountain goats. There he would still be isolated, and can no longer hurt anyone, maybe even himself. 

He felt so conflicted—even as he colored with Chayten and sat quietly with the other kids, helped serve dinner and cleaned, he only had questions. What should he do? What could he do? Should he come clean and tell JJ the truth? It wasn’t like he lied to anyone, but hid the truth with smaller lies. Should he tell Sara, Shawn and Teddy? Sara and Shawn probably already know. 

He’d get fired. They’d hate him. He’d lose everything he had found. 

_ “You’re lucky it’s only hate they’d feel for you. If it was me, I’d shoot you in the stomach.”  _

Chloe’s haunting voice sounded in his head, adding to the confliction he was feeling. 

He couldn't stand it. Nathan wouldn’t be able to take any more hate—he couldn’t tell them. He was a coward. He didn’t want to know what they’d say or how they’d think. They were all he had, and he was going to lose them. Nathan felt so helpless, so incredibly  _ weak.  _

_ I should never have come here. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to be alive.  _ Nathan thought to himself. 

His hands jerked harshly as he washed the dishes, running water and the clatter of ceramic and metals filling in the white noise of his head. 

_ “You’re too hard on yourself. You didn’t mean to do it, Nathan.”  _

Rachel’s voice sounded in his head, louder than anything as it came in like a sharp ringing. At the moment, the kitchen door squeaked open, louder than he had ever heard it and he jumped. The soapy wet plate slipped out of his hand and crashed to the ground, emitting a despairing shatter that seemed to silence everything—including his mind. 

“Shit!” Nathan let out, bending down too quickly to the broken fragments of the plate and cutting himself in the palm of his hand. The pain erupted hot through the deep cut across his palm, blood seeping into his pants and the tile floor of the kitchen. 

“Woah, Nate! You okay?” Shawn peered into the kitchen, with Sara next to him. Their backpacks were on as well as they’re coats, indicating they were ready to head out. 

“Oh no! Are you hurt?” Sara moved to walk in, but Nathan waved her off, hiding his injured palm behind his leg so that they couldn’t see, as he nodded. 

“I’m okay.” It came out unconvincing and heavy. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll clean this up.” Nathan spoke with more agitated emotion than he had ever shown, while trying to calm himself down from the inner turmoil of his mind, trying his best to block the tears fighting desperately to escape. 

“Bro, are you sure? You look kinda pale.” Shawn asked, and Nathan nodded. 

“Are you leaving for the night?” Nathan asked, his attempt to change the subject. 

“Yeah we just came to say bye. Are you sure? You’re gonna be okay?” Sara asked again, and Nathan nodded again. 

“Yeah, promise. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Nathan urged, and reluctantly Sara and Shawn shared the same concerned look before saying goodbye, and leaving. 

As they did, Nathan allowed an exhausted sigh to leave him as he crouched before the shattered plate. Grabbing an old skinny rag he used that to wrap around his wound, before grabbing a small plastic bag to put the broken pieces of ceramic in. Then, he grabbed a small broom and dustpan as he kneeled to the ground, sweeping the smaller pieces into the dustpan. 

He heard the kitchen door squeak as it opened, not even looking over to see who it was before he spoke. “Sorry, JJ but I broke this plate. I can pay you back for it.” He spoke, thinking it was JJ. 

Of course, it wasn’t JJ. 

“You’re literally the  _ last _ person I expected to see here.” A higher, male voice sounded and Nathan almost felt himself go cold all over, looking up and locking eyes with Warren. Warren had a strange, small mysterious smile mixed in with what seemed like confliction. He wore a warm jacket with his backpack on his back. Indeed, he was a bit taller than Nathan remembered. Taller than him. “I can’t believe the  _ Nate  _ that Sara kept talking about is  _ Nathan Prescott _ .” 

Slowly, Nathan stood, still holding the dustpan in his hand before he turned slowly, shaking the small pieces into the trashcan before he turned to Warren. Nathan felt so pathetic—he could barely even look at Warren. 

“How long have you been here?” Warren asked, and Nathan could feel his heart in his throat. 

Several moments later, he finally spoke. “September.” 

Warren’s head shook slightly, like he still couldn’t believe it. “So what? Is this your charity? Your community service?” Nathan could hear the anger in his voice. “I went to her funeral, you know. Joyce, Max, Chloe’s friends—and this is where  _ you  _ ended up?” 

Nathan was silent. His words were like bullets, an unlimited chamber of the most tearing, painful hits piercing his heart. Nathan’s fist clenched tightly, and he could feel an inch under his neck grow and grow. 

Warren’s arms rose slightly, looking at Nathan expectantly. “You’re not going to say anything? Not gonna call me Gayram? Not gonna fight back? I thought Prescotts always had something to say.” Warren taunted, taking a step forward. Nathan unconsciously took a small step back. 

Nathan was so hurt. He felt so  _ sick.  _ His stomach twisted painfully, and his wounded palm throbbed, and he was fighting for the strength to keep himself up while fighting the urge to hold back his tears, to hold back the meltdown he could feel faster approaching. 

“Wow. I guess you’ve really changed.” Warren commented sarcastically, sighing as he took a small step back. Warren studied Nathan for a moment before speaking again. “Those kids like you a lot. They don’t stop talking about you. They care about you, and I can tell you care about them.” 

Nathan gathered the courage to look at Warren, glancing at him before his gaze was back on the floor. “It isn’t charity. I got lucky and met JJ.” Nathan muttered, not being able to fight the urge as he clenched his wounded hand, and as the skin scrunched together it hurt, but his muscle spasms were active in his bloody palm. 

“Luck, huh? I guess that’s great for you but Chloe can’t say the same.” 

Chloe laughed in Nathan’s head.  _ “Finally someone said it!”  _

“What do you want from me?” Nathan’s voice was small and hurt. 

Warren stared, watching as Nathan’s face was strewn with emotions he had never seen on his past bully before. Several moments of Warren’s analysis was silence, before he spoke.

“Because they care about you, I won’t say anything.” Warren spoke, taking a small step back, hooking his hands around the straps of his backpack. “I can tell you're trying.” Warren sighed. 

Nathan’s eyes widened in surprise, turning his head to look at him as Warren retreated from the kitchen. Right as he reached the door, Nathan called out. 

“Hey. I’m… I’m sorry. For how I treated you. For everything.” His voice was shaky with tears, uneven and sad. But Nathan meant it. Truly he meant it, from the bottom of his heart.

Warren turned, and a small upturn of his lips appeared. “Maybe assholes like you deserve another chance. Maybe.” Warren pushed the squeaky door and left. 

Nathan let out the sigh that was stuck in his throat. His heart was still pounding, as he looked at the small puddle of blood and water, grabbing a rag and bending down to clean it up. His vision started to blur, and as he blinked he tried to clear his vision, when he realized that he was crying. Big, wet tears spilling quietly down his cheeks as he wiped up the mess, throwing away the rag in the trash. Thoughtlessly, he stood, sluggishly finishing the dishes in the sink as fat tears spilled down his face, dropping into the pool of soapy water. 

_ “Assholes like you don’t deserve another chance. Stop crying, prick.”  _

A shaky sigh left him as he wiped his eyes, ignoring the warm soapy water that now replaced the tears and stung his eyes. 

_ I know.  _ Nathan thought to himself. 

In the back of his mind, he heard a sad hum. Feeling the presence of something warm graze his shoulder. 

_ “It’s okay to cry, Nate.”  _

_ I know.  _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh thank you so much for reading! I know there was a lot of text but very necessary for Nathan and the friendships he is building, and starting, question mark? Could Warren be a new friendship for Nathan, or an enemy? 
> 
> Thank you for all your support and such AMAZING comments like ugh they light up my world, please keep them coming! Lemme know any questions or insights you might have, I’d love to read them all! 
> 
> Nathan still has awhile to go. He’s so scared that he’s going to ruin his relationships that he’s made, but hates the guilt. He’s super conflicted and hurt, but he’s gonna get through it. It’s a slow journey, but we’ll get through it. 
> 
> Who knows? Maybe in the next one, he’ll see someone who could be his salvation? Stay tuned! 
> 
> thanks again for reading and the kudos and comments, it really means the world. Hopefully I’ll have the next one out soon, but can’t promise it! thanks! see you in the next one (;
> 
> -me


	7. unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Food.

* * *

_**VII. unexpected** _

"The unexpected is usually what brings the unbelievable." 

* * *

Nathan founded it hard to get out of bed the days after that night. JJ caught Nathan right before he left that night, eyes lit with concern as he rushed Nathan to the nearest clinic, giving him stitches and a protective cast that he needed to wear for a few weeks until his wound was fully healed. It was worse than what Nathan had initially thought, with the cut deeper than it should’ve, but it would heal just fine. 

He often woke up later than he intended, rushing downstairs to most mornings to meet with the small group of staff to walk the kids. JJ didn’t seem to mind, but Nathan could tell that he was concerned. At the hospital, Nathan didn’t say a word. He was too tired, not having the energy to even try and smile. He felt empty—purely hollow—and JJ had been a witness to it. 

Nathan still did his chores as usual, but more sluggish and tired with his mind circling in his own darkness. He was quieter than usual, and spent more time heading up to his room than with the kids or his co-workers. 

Warren avoided him at all costs. He only came by a few times to work on their assignment, but made it clear to Nathan that they weren’t friends, but not complete enemies. Nathan didn’t mind—he would’ve thought it would be weird if they were suddenly cool with each other. Maybe they could—if Hell freezes over—but he was fine with how it worked out. It could’ve been way worse, and Nathan just had to think it’s because Warren was a decent guy. Not like Nathan. 

Today was no different than the others. It was November 25th, a chilly Monday that started like all the others. When Nathan’s eyes cracked open, his heart pounded when he felt like it was already late—a feeling he was starting to get used to. He sat up, dressing himself quickly before slipping some shoes on and dashing out of the door. 

“Shit—sorry I’m late.” Nathan spoke as he hustled down and bursted through the stair door. 

“Another for my college fund!” Evie called out with a grin, as he met the eyes of the large group of children, along with his co-workers and boss. 

“Alright, alright! Nate’s here so let’s go, okay?” JJ announced, earning a groan from the kids as they reluctantly turned for the door. 

“Why can’t Nate be late more often?” Evie groaned, slipping her hand into Sara’s who chuckled and led her to the door. 

Chayten’s hand slipped into Nathan’s—an everyday occurrence—as they all journeyed on their way to the school. And when they returned, Nathan was hardly recognizing what Teddy had been saying to him. Something about a movie, he thought, but sounds were coming in as hazy scatters. 

“Nate? You listening?” Teddy playfully pushed him, causing Nathan to turn from his thoughts just as they entered Sacred again. He hadn’t even noticed they arrived so quickly. 

“What? Uh—yeah.” 

“Like I said, we gotta go see the newest Avengers movie. The last one was literally  _ insane _ —like seriously, the biggest cliffhanger of the century I swear.” Teddy spoke enthusiastically, and Nathan huffed in amusement. He hadn’t been able to watch movies—with the mental institution not really supporting a movie theater in their criteria—so the majority of movies that Teddy would talk about were all movies he would need to see. Teddy liked superhero movies, hence their current conversation, but Nathan hadn’t seen any of them. Maybe if he got a TV in his room, he could splurge and go on a movie marathon. 

“You saw the last one, right?” 

“No, actually. I didn’t get a chance.” Nathan quickly answered, watching Teddy’s mouth drop for a second before a grin spread across his face. 

“ _ Oh _ , man. I  _ have  _ to show you this movie, bro. I’m telling you—it’ll blow your mind. We gotta get a TV in your room first.” Teddy seemed excited, giving Nathan a friendly bro pat on the shoulder. Nathan didn’t want to kill Teddy’s happy mood with his gloomy one—but right now he didn’t think he had the energy to invest himself in a movie and it’s complex plot and array of characters. 

But before he could break the news for Teddy, JJ called out to Nathan. 

“Nate, I want your opinion on something.” JJ waved Nathan over with that smile of his, and Teddy mentioned that he would see Nathan back in the kitchen when he was done. 

Entering JJ’s office, he immediately spotted two small cuts of cloth—maroon and golden brown, along with two versions of a flyer. 

“Okay, first—for tablecloth, should we go with red or brown?” JJ gestured to the squares of cloth laid flat on the desk. 

Nathan glanced between the two. “The brown might be better. The red feels more like Christmas.” 

JJ nodded hearing his opinion, putting the red away in his desk. “Yeah, you’re right. How about these flyers? Which one fits better?” 

Nathan looked between the two—one with more solid colors and fancy font, with the other with fairly neutral browns and reds, with a more inviting simple font. “That one.” He pointed to the simpler one. 

“Really? Why?” 

Nathan shrugged. “Just feels more welcoming to everyone. The other one feels like I’m going to some exclusive club.” 

JJ wagged his finger with a smirk. “Smart, kid. Alright, I’m glad I finally got that settled.” 

“Do you need help with anything else?” Nathan asked, and JJ nodded. 

“Sit down, Nate. I wanna talk to you about something.” JJ gestured to the chair, and Nathan hesitated for a moment, before sitting. As soon as he sunk into the comfy chair, he was nervous. He had been late multiple times now—maybe JJ was going to fire him? Or maybe JJ knew about his past? An even  _ worse  _ scenario. Nathan knew this job was too good to be true. It was only a matter of time until— “Are you okay, Nate?” 

JJ stopped his racing thoughts halfway through, and Nathan honestly did not know what to say. “W-what?” 

“Are you okay? I can tell you’ve been checked out recently.” 

Nathan nodded fairly quickly, hastily avoiding JJ’s gaze. “Y-yeah. I’m fine. Just… tired, I guess.” Nathan locked his hands together on his lap, squeezing tightly to keep his hands from shaking.

JJ looked at him with skepticism, watching Nathan’s nervous movements. “Nate, I may be your boss but I am your friend too. If something’s wrong or you need something, you can tell me.” 

“No, yeah I’m f-fine, JJ. It’s just been awhile since I’ve…”  _ Taken my meds. My body is so exhausted and anxious that I can barely get up in the morning.  _ “...had a real job. I guess I’m still getting used to it. I’m good, JJ.” 

JJ looked towards him for a moment, before raising his hands up playfully in defense and smiling. “Alright. If you say you are, then I’ll take your word for it. But if I notice anything, we’re gonna talk again, okay?” 

Nathan smiled a bit, nodding as he began to stand. “Anything else?” 

“Nope. We're gonna have a few shipments coming in at around one, so we’ll get those unpacked and ready to go for this Thursday. Oh and after school I’ll have you and the kids put these flyers up.” 

“Sounds good.” Nathan spoke, heading outside. 

The day proceeded like the usual—at around noon, large trucks parked themselves outside, with the shipment workers and JJ’s crew unloading everything and moving it inside Sacred. They carried in bags of food—vegetables, breads, meats, sauces—all for the preparation for Thanksgiving. While Sara and Shawn were finishing up and studying for coming finals, Nathan and Teddy were hard at work cleaning vegetables and meats, storing them in appropriate spots along with the various sauces and condiments. They also hauled in bags full of plastic plates, forks, knives and spoons, storing those in the cabinets by the large stove. They stored the food in the refrigerator, and after that cleaning up and by the time they were done, it was time to go get the kids. 

With the kids' enjoyment—more specifically Evie, Hope and Chayten who were the only ones who wanted to put flyers up—they walked around, placing flyers wherever it could be visible. Once they were done, they returned, getting ready for dinner and soon the day was over. 

The next couple days were nothing too different. The kids had their Thanksgiving break from school—lounging about, finishing last minute assignments, doing scheduled activities together, trips to the park—the usual. 

Nathan had become even more preoccupied with his scattered mind. Chloe’s voice was getting worse and more frequent as the days went on, leading to him having a pounding headache from the moment he woke up until he forcibly put himself to sleep—if he could even sleep at all. His hours of sleep were getting smaller as the days went by. He felt so sluggish and exhausted all the time, knowing full well of the depressive episode that hit him harder than he had felt before. Running out of his meds was probably the  _ worst  _ thing that could happen right now—especially when he was still trying his best to make a good impression for his fairly new job. 

When he awoke the day before Thanksgiving, his family was the first thing on his mind. Thanksgiving was a holiday celebrated with his family—no matter who showed up or not—he could recall so many fights and arguments that produced from a holiday that was supposed to be about thanks and togetherness. He already knew that today was going to be a shitty day—thinking about his family  _ always  _ put him in the worst mood possible. 

Sitting up and swinging his legs from his bed, he let out a deep sigh. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he practically counted how many seconds before she spoke to him. 

_ “Another shitty day, right?”  _

He winced, clutching his head with one hand for a long moment, already feeling his brain throb in his skull. 

“Fuckfuckfuck.” He muttered, shaking his head in an attempt to shake away the pain. He reached for his metal water bottle—a gift from Mateo who said that his school was giving them away for gym class, and since he already had the same one, he offered it to Nathan. Nathan popped open the straw lid of the water bottle, sucking in through the straw to receive only air. He shook the bottle, noting the lack of swishing and heaviness and slammed it back onto the nightstand, echoing harshly in the room. Now, he was pissed off. 

Nathan was fully aware of his anger issues that had plagued him for most of his life. When he was younger, his psychiatrist had informed that his anger was from a lack of parental comfort amongst many other factors, and the possibility that he was autistic. His father reprimanded the psychiatrist angrily, threatening to make sure that the psychiatrist should lose his license for claiming something so ridiculous, but in Nathan’s eyes it was definitely a possibility. Just by the way that his father had acted was probably a huge sign of his own anger issues. He had gotten better to conceal them over the past years at the mental institution—converting his anger into frustrated sadness. 

If his dad saw him now, he’d look down at him and say how much of a disappointment that he was. Working in a homeless shelter? It would be the biggest scandal for Sean Prescott. 

As much as Nathan hated his father, a part of him wanted to go back. And that thought alone was so  _ evil  _ to even think about, but all Nathan wanted was a home to belong to. Somewhere comforting and warm, where he could finally feel safe and no matter where he went, he could never find that. A part of him wanted to go home  _ so bad,  _ but being anywhere near Arcadia Bay and his family made him feel so ill and so hurt. 

“Godfuckingdamnit.” Nathan huffed angrily, running his hands hastily through his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down from having an angry mental breakdown.  _ Just breathe, Nathan. Just… breathe.  _

_ “Yeah, calm down before you do something really crazy. Like… I don’t know… shoot someone?”  _ Chloe’s sarcastic but angry tone sounded through his head. 

The anger faded quickly with her voice, and he could already feel the frustrated sadness begin to seep in. A sad breath left him—expelling any wrath in his chest and he was left with the familiar hollow feeling once again. Checking the time, it was already past noon. He knew that Sara, Shawn and Teddy were downstairs, entertaining the kids. He sent a text to Teddy—mentioning that he wasn’t feeling too great and would come down later to help with dinner. Teddy sent him a text a few minutes later, asking if he needed anything and Nathan refused, saying that he just needed to sleep more. 

So Nathan crawled back into bed, throwing his covers back over him and opening YouTube, watching calming tiny food videos until he was back asleep. 

—

When he woke up, it was past six. He didn’t even realize he was  _ that  _ tired. His stomach grumbled and churned as soon as he was conscious again, causing his body to hurt as he clutched his stomach for a short moment until the hungering pain subsided. Okay, he really needed to get up now. 

He didn’t bother to fix himself up, throwing on whatever he saw on the floor that definitely needed to be washed as he stood and stretched his scrunched muscles out, yawning and heading downstairs. 

It was louder when he approached the lobby, with most of the kids still sitting at the tables talking excitedly about the holiday feast coming up, while a few others were busy playing board games or watching TV on the local television. It was almost too loud for a moment, but Nathan quickly shook his head to rid the headache fast approaching. 

“Nate! We haven’t seen you all day.” Evie smiled when she heard the door open, immediately jumping up from her seat and jogging over to Nathan. “Where have you been?” 

“I was in my room.” He answered. 

“I wanted to come say hi, but JJ told me not to. Are you depressed, Nate?” 

This girl  _ always _ caught him off guard. 

“W-what? Who told you that?” 

“Dali. If you’re sad, that’s okay. Everyone gets sad.” 

“I’m alright, Ev. Don’t worry about me.” Nathan reassured, playfully messing with her hair as he began to walk towards the table that Evie was sitting at. She ran past him, sitting in her seat again while he plopped down in the middle between Evie and Dali. They were playing Uno. 

A series of hellos sounded for Nathan from Dali, Ana, Mateo. 

“Do you wanna join in, Nate?” Mateo offered, and he shook his head. 

“Nah, go ahead. I’ll watch.” Nathan spoke, as Mateo nodded and they proceeded with their game. 

“I’m  _ so  _ excited for tomorrow! I didn’t eat as much dinner so that I can stuff myself tomorrow.” Ana spoke, throwing a green card in the middle of the pile, holding her cards close to her chest. 

“Me too. It was always Iris’s favorite holiday—I hope she’ll enjoy it.” Dali spoke with a smile, setting down a green card. 

“Is this your first year here?” Nathan asked Dali, earning a nod. 

“Yup. Iris and I got here at the beginning of this year.” 

“It’s the  _ best.  _ We can eat as much as we want—“ Evie spoke, setting a red card down before she was quickly interrupted by Ana. 

“Not as  _ much  _ as we want, only after everyone gets served!” Ana laughed, setting down a green card. 

“We eat  _ as much as  _ we want, then we play video games and board games all night!” Evie continued, earning a laugh from Ana. 

“Not all night, only until 11.” Ana corrected, with Mateo and Dali chuckling quietly to themselves. A small smile grew on Nathan’s face as well. 

“I’m just glad JJ lets us pick at least one meal. Isaac and I have been preparing tamales all day, bro.” Mateo sighed with a smile, setting down a blue card. 

“And he even made sure there’s no pork in the food too.” Dali added. 

“JJ’s dope like that. That’s how you know he cares about us.” Mateo spoke as he set another card down. “We’ve been in a couple of shelters and no one can top JJ.” 

Nathan listened as they conversated between each other, smiling when the conversation turned humorous. It always led back to Thanksgiving, and Nathan felt somewhat relieved to hear how excited they all were for the holiday. He hadn’t been excited about Thanksgiving since he himself was a kid, and seeing that these kids—surviving from their horrifying situations that landed them at a homeless shelter—were still excited about things like holidays and playing video games, made him smile. 

“Nate?” He heard a small voice and turned his head to see Chayten, wearing a Hotdog man shirt that looked a little too big and some blue shorts. 

“What’s up, Ten?” 

“I made this for you in school.” Chayten mumbled quietly, glancing away for a moment as he handed Nathan a piece of paper. 

In choppy, uneven child handwriting with various colors of the rainbow were the words:  _ I am thankful for my new friend Nate. He likes to draw with me.  _ Under those words was a drawing of Nathan and Chayten, both holding red markers in their hands with sloppy smiles on their faces. 

His eyes widened seeing the paper, reading over it at least three more times to make sure he was really reading it. He looked back towards Chayten, who was watching him react. Nathan smiled—an  _ actual  _ smile ghosted over his lips. “Thanks, Ten. Happy Thanksgiving.” He ruffled Chayten’s soft hair, earning a wide smile from the child. 

“Happy Thanksgiving.” He spoke, before dashing back over to Isaac and Iris, who were playing video games on the local TV. 

“No fair, Ten! I want one too!” Evie called out, but Ten only turned to smile and wave before sitting down next to Isaac by the TV. 

“You’re lucky, Nate. It took me weeks before Chayten finally asked me to color with him.” Dali smiled, setting down a card on the large pile. 

“Swear the kid’s got some kind of intuition.” Mateo sneered. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dali glared playfully, earning a shrug from Mateo.

“Aye, man, I’m just saying—the kid knows who he likes and who he doesn’t.” Mateo grinned, wagging his shoulders as Dali flipped him off with her middle finger. 

The night continued slowly, and finally when it was time for the kids to go to bed—Nathan helped JJ set up a few tables and JJ let him go, mentioning to be downstairs by ten tomorrow. 

Nathan read Chayten’s note a few more times, still surprised he had even received something like this. It was stupid—he almost felt like a proud older brother. Sitting on the bed, he placed the note on the nightstand, leaving it folded open so that he could see it. 

Changing into more comfortable clothes, Nathan laid back on the bed, moving one of his arms along the back of his head as he stared up at the ceiling. 

He left out a long sigh, but when he laid there, not really thinking about anything, he realized he didn’t feel as shitty as he did when he woke up that morning. His chest wasn’t so empty, and could almost feel a portion of his empty heart fill up. 

_ “You don’t actually want to go home, right? I think you have plenty right here, Nathan.”  _

Rachel’s voice echoed in his head. He could hear a chuckle amongst her words, like it was so obvious that she was just waiting for Nathan to finally realize it. 

When Nathan turned off the lamp, turning over to fall asleep, he smiled. It was small, but it had been the first time in a few weeks that he felt like he had something to even smile about. The kids were looking forward to Thanksgiving, so he vowed to do his best to make sure that they don’t worry about him. It was the least he could do. 

—

When he awoke the next morning, he wasn’t as tired or felt as heavy as he had the past couple weeks. He slept through the whole night to his surprise—even waking up a bit sweaty from his heavy sleep. 

He sat up, checking his phone. It was about a quarter past 9. He even wasn’t late for once! 

He made the effort to dress somewhat nicer—grabbing a pair of jeans and a large brown knitted sweater with white shoes before heading to the shower. When he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror after his shower, his cheeks were reddened and his skin had some more color. He honestly didn’t look too bad—he felt like he looked like his old self, but at the same time, felt like he looked like a somewhat new person. 

He didn’t bother putting on his beanie or his fake glasses—he had honestly ditched the look weeks ago. He still looked like some emo hipster, but today he didn’t mind putting in a little more effort. 

Nathan got back to his room, finishing up by putting his shoes on and headed downstairs. 

“Ah, there he is!” He heard JJ call out to him as soon as he entered the lobby, already feeling the holiday spirit in the air. There were a few people he didn’t recognize, assuming they were some of the cooks helping with all the food preparation. JJ was talking to a short, kind looking woman wearing an apron and cooker’s net. She had short blonde hair with a few strands of silver and warm green eyes. JJ gestured for Nathan to approach, which he did. “This is Nathan. He’s my newest addition here.” 

“Hello there, I’m Mary. I’ve been helping Jay here with his cooking for a couple years now! I’m one of the head cooks over at the University of Washington.” She held out her hand to him.

“Nice to meet you.” Nathan shook her hand and she smiled, looking back towards JJ. 

“Well, lemme get my cooks and I started. You said everything already washed and prepped?” 

“Yup, thanks to Nathan and Ted—you should be all good to go.” JJ patted Nathan on the back. 

“Great! I’ll let you know if we run short on anything.” Mary smiled again, heading over into the kitchen and Nathan could see a small group of young adults—probably not that much older than him—wearing aprons and nets and gloves. 

“Nate! Nate! You’re actually awake early for once!” A voice called out and he could hear a bundle of rushing footsteps approach him and before he could fully turn himself to see who was calling out, he tackled by a bundle of small arms. The usual suspects—Ana and Evie, with Hope and Iris—trapping him in place. 

“Mornin’.” Isaac yawned with Mateo, Dali and Chayten following behind the excited girls. 

“Happy Thanksgiving.” Mateo greeted. 

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Dali smiled. 

“Good morning.” Chayten greeted quietly, darting his eyes around. 

“Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Glad to see everyone in good spirits.” JJ smiled as he greeted the large crowd, with more kids spilling out of their sleeping area. 

“Is it time to eat yet?” Iris smiled, earning a chuckle from JJ. 

“It’s barely  _ ten _ , Iris! Why don’t you all help Nathan set up decorations, then we’ll get everyone something small to snack on.” JJ offered and they agreed, with the girls releasing Nathan and running over to the few open big boxes of decorations and rummaging through them. “The decorations are in there, and I have the brown tablecloths and placemats on that table over there. We got the tables set up, now we just need to put the tablecloth on and placemats on. Teddy, Sara and Shawn should be here soon to help out too. We serve food at six so around five, I’ll have you and everyone set out the plates and stuff, and get some drinks ready. But for right now, let’s make this place fun, yeah?” JJ explained, smiling with his pearly white teeth. 

His smile was contagious. Nathan smiled and nodded—with JJ putting a hand on Nathan’s shoulder comfortably. “And Nate? I’m real glad you’re here, man.” 

“Me too, JJ.” Nathan responded. Nathan didn’t care what his dad might think. He really meant it. 

—

The day went by fast—like most holidays, Nathan realized. The past four years, mental institution or not, the hours always felt the same. 

Decorating didn’t take long—they put up baskets full of orange and yellow sunflowers all around, decorating the tables with small pumpkins and big wide leaves with orange glitter sprinkled on the table. They put a couple of electric candles on each table, and when Sara, Shawn and Teddy arrived they put up large banners and warm lights outside and inside of Sacred. They propped open the doors, making it easy for anyone to simply walk in and out. Surprisingly the weather was good—nice sunny day and it wasn’t too chilly. 

After making sure the kids ate something around lunch and most of the decorations were finished, Nathan spent the afternoon hanging out with the kids and his co-workers as usual. It wasn’t long until the smell of savory food wafted in the air, creating hungry stomach growls and agitated children. He played board games and drew to help keep the kids minds off of the food, no matter the feeling of hunger he had himself. 

When five hit, Nathan and Teddy went out, buying the listed drinks and when they returned, poured bundles of water bottles, juice boxes, sport drinks and sodas in a couple large cooler boxes, full of ice. After that, they set up the plastic plates, glasses and plastic ware at the many tables filled with chairs that filled up the usually spacious lobby of Sacred. 

Nathan had ran upstairs to look for a special pink candle for Hope—one that she said JJ always decorated her table with. He ran up looking for it in one of the many storage boxes that were once in his room. She mentioned that she wanted it just as six hit, and figured that since everything else had been taken care of, he said that he’d find it and bring it for her. 

It took him awhile to find it, a medium sized candle stuck at the bottom of a box full of small Christmas ornaments and lights. He grabbed the candle, then went to his room to check his phone. It was about twenty minutes past six. He left his phone on the nightstand—not particularly needing it—as he headed back downstairs. 

He was surprised to see how  _ many  _ people were now in Sacred. The air was filled with white noise from the many conversations being made in the building, with most tables being filled and a line forming at the kitchen bar—Mary and her cooks working hard in the kitchen while filling up the heated food containers as people came in and served themselves. He could smell a whole array of food—meats, sauces, stuffing, vegetables—all making his stomach churn. 

“Nathan!” A voice called out to him and he turned, meeting the eyes of Zoe as she rushed in front of him. Her curly hair bounced as she leapt towards him, wearing a big red coat, black leggings and brown boots. 

“Hey Zo.” He spoke in his usual mellow tone, holding out a closed fist and she immediately connected it with her own. “How are you?” 

“Good.” 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Nathan.” Another voice called out behind Zoe, a warm motherly voice. 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Ria.” He greeted her. 

Ria—JJ’s girlfriend and Zoe’s mother—smiled. She was dressed professionally as she usually was, wearing comfortable heels, formal dark jacket and pants with her brown purse hanging over one arm. 

“Where’s my dad, Nathan?” Zoe asked, looking around the growing crowd of people. 

“Last time I saw him, he was in the kitchen.” Nathan informed, and Zoe darted in that direction. 

“She loves spending Thanksgiving with her dad. Those two can eat more than I’ve ever seen.” Ria laughed, watching her daughter duck around people and eventually enter into the kitchen tucking in some of her long sleek black hair under her ear. 

“Today’s the day to do it, so might as well.” Nathan commented with a small shrug, watching Zoe as well before turning to Ria. “How’s work?” 

Ria let out a sigh. “Oh, you know. Can’t complain too much but work is work.” She smiled, looking towards Nathan. “Jay isn’t working you too hard, is he?” 

Nathan shook his head. “Nah. Sometimes I think he doesn’t work me enough.” 

Ria laughed. “Well, I guess that’s good. He can be a handful sometimes, just like Zoe.” She paused for a small moment. “But, JJ has been telling me he’s been worried about you these past couple weeks.” 

He felt a little surprised that JJ was talking to Ria about himself. Was he  _ that  _ transparent? 

“What… was he saying?” Nathan glanced at the floor for a second before back at Ria. 

“He wasn’t really sure himself, but just that you seem a bit different. Anything you wanna talk about?” Her brown eyes dipped slightly, looking up at Nathan. 

He hesitated for a moment before replying. “N-no. I’m okay, honest. I’m actually feeling better today.” 

Ria eyed Nathan, darting her eyes between his eyes. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. I’m—uh—actually like this most of the time.” He responded, voice dropping a little quieter, as he nervously traced the tip of his shoe against the ground. His fist tightened around the candle he was holding. 

“I know plenty of doctors and psychiatrists around Seattle. I can—“ 

“Seriously, I’m okay.” Nathan cut her off, even smiling a bit to try and show that he was okay. He didn’t  _ actually _ know if he was okay—he definitely wasn’t, but right now, he really didn’t feel that awful. He wasn’t really sure who he was trying to convince—Ria, or him. 

Ria focused on him for a second before smiling. “Okay. But no bullshitting me, okay? If you need help, you tell me. Got it?” Nathan could hear her motherly tone setting in. 

He nodded. “Yes ma’am.” 

“Okay. I’m gonna go find Zoe and stop her and Jay from eating the desserts. If you’re not careful they’ll be finished by the time we get there.” Ria chuckled, lightly patting Nathan on the back. “Let’s have you over for dinner soon, okay? Zoe is always asking about you.” 

“Sure.” 

After Ria headed by the kitchen, Nathan found the kids sitting at a round table, plates full of food and drinks. He walked by, placing the pink candle in front of Hope. 

“Thanks, Nate.” She smiled kindly and Nathan nodded. 

“No problem.” 

“Hey Nate, come and eat. We saved a spot for you.” Isaac patted the chair next to him. 

“It’s really good! There’s tamales and turkey and gravy and cranberry sauce and—“ Iris gestured to her plate full of various different foods before Nathan’s eyes caught onto one of the side dishes on her plate. 

“Is that mac and cheese?” He asked in awe, looking at the white pasta coated in a thick layer of creamy light yellow sauce. 

“Yup!” Ana smiled, putting a forkful in her mouth and swooning exaggeratedly. 

He felt his heart fill just a tiny bit more. He hadn’t had macaroni and cheese in  _ so  _ damn long.

“Nathan, hey!” Sara’s voice called out from behind him, as he turned to see his co-workers, all greeting him. “Have you eaten yet?” 

“No, not yet.” He responded. 

“Cool, neither have we. JJ wants us to greet people as they come in for a little bit, then we can eat after?” Shawn suggested and Nathan nodded, turning back to the kids. 

“I’ll be back in a bit.” 

He turned away from the kids, walking beside Teddy and behind Sara and Shawn. 

“Hey Nate, check this out.” Teddy nudged him with his elbow, holding out his phone for Nathan to see. They were still heading to the door, but Nathan and Teddy slowed their pace as he looked at his phone. It was a Black Friday deal on flat screen high definition televisions, cut down by a good couple hundred bucks. “I saw these TV’s on sale! Bro, we could totally get you a TV for your bland room.” 

“Where is this at?” Nathan asked, running his finger along the screen to look at the deals. 

“This one’s at Walmart and they usually got some pretty good deals. We could head down there tomorrow and get you one! And there’s this bluetooth speaker I’m trying to get that’s pretty cheap too—“ 

“Hurry up, slowpokes!” Sara called out with a chuckle in front of them, causing the two to both look up as Sara and Shawn had already reached the door. 

“Hold on! I’m showing Nate this deal!” Teddy called out back, showing Nathan a different link. 

Only a few feet away from the door, Nathan could hear Sara and Shawn welcome a group of people in. Teddy was still talking, hyping Nathan up with some of the Black Friday deals when Nathan suddenly felt a chill shoot up his spine. He could hear Sara and Shawn welcoming someone in— _ “Welcome!”  _ and  _ “Enjoy the meal!”  _ He wondered if it was starting to get colder from the chill that seemed to deep into his ankles first, shooting up his body. It was so cold he almost thought that he should suggest to JJ that they close the door. He looked up, and in that same moment, his heart seized. 

He was literally unable to breathe when he first laid eyes on her. It was like suddenly the room had gone completely silent—all sound muffled by the sound of his thumping heartbeat that caused his body to shake and tremor with each pulsing beat. 

Her hair was longer. No longer barely passing her chin, but had grown to reach just slightly past her collar bone. She had a strip of bright blue across a chunk of her shaggy bangs, complimenting nicely with her blue eyes. She was wearing a yellow sweater with light blue jeans, with leathery brown boots. Around her neck was a necklace with three grey bullets at the end of it. 

She was looking around, a warm smile on her face as she took in her surroundings—must’ve been thinking how thoughtful it was to put on a huge feast for anyone who needed one. Two black bags—a bigger one and a smaller one—was strapped around her chest, hanging loosely by her side as she walked in with a relaxed hand covering them, and she reached into the bigger bag, and out came a sleek digital silver camera. She was looking to her side, and took a picture, and another and another—not moving from the spot she was standing in. 

She still hadn’t noticed him yet. Nathan probably looked ridiculous—to anyone else, it might’ve looked like he had fallen in love with a beautiful girl that he set his eyes on but in reality, he was just so shocked to be seeing her that everything felt like it moved in slow motion, only hearing his heart pounding so hard that it rang all the way into his ears. 

He almost felt sick when she looked in his direction, not holding up the camera but just looking straight ahead of her as she had begun to walk more into Sacred. When their eyes met—dark blue clashing with a lighter blue—the smile on her face vanished in an instant. 

Her eyes widened, and the action itself made it feel like time had completely  _ froze _ . He stared at her, and she stared at him. She still had that doe-eyed look. His heart seized and raced at the same time, almost making his chest hurt as his breathing hitched. They were several feet away from each other, but he could see her breath hitch. He couldn’t believe this. 

He was looking at  _ Max Caulfield.  _

Max Caulfield. Max Caulfield. Max Caulfield. Max Caulfield.  _ Max Caulfield. Max Caulfield. Max Caulfield. Max Caulfield.  _

The girl who watched Nathan exhibit a nervous breakdown over Chloe Price’s dead body. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: long note coming! also, Happy late Thanksgiving! I hope everyone had a great day, even if you didn't celebrate it, and hopefully we all remembered to give thanks to our love ones and always remember the many Indigenous tribes lost and taken away by cruel colonial idealism. 
> 
> tldr: Maximum Overdrive is my fav Max nickname, Warren's sudden appearance was to kickstart Nathan's character development and was SUPPOSED to be shocking, my own writing slump, and I can't wait for y'all to read more later. 
> 
> ugh i am so excited to write about Max you have no idea and i hope y'all are as hyped as i am! 
> 
> fun fact about me: my favorite Max nickname is Maximum Overdrive. Comment what yours is! (i.e literally if you look up at Max's character profile she has like over thirty nicknames it's super funny to go through) 
> 
> also, another small note: I know last chapter I got a few comments mentioning how the interaction with Warren was a bit weird or sudden so I just thought I'd address everyone my thoughts about it: pretty much, i got three reasons why I did it the way I did it. Number one, if you were surprised, caught off guard, dumbfounded, etc, then good! I did my job (: It was supposed to be a shock, just like how Nathan was shocked, that was supposed to be the effect. Number two, I specifically put Warren first because for Nathan's character development, I wanted it to start with someone from his past who should honestly not have a big impact on Nathan (since in this timeline we sacrificed Chloe, Nathan hardly even knows Warren since they didn't have that fight in the parking lot or in the dorms). If Nathan's character development only started with Max, it just wouldn't feel like authentic character development. Nathan is trying to grow himself and is trying to be better for HIMSELF, not just Max, hence which is why I wanted it to start with Nathan apologizing to someone who he hurt in the past (assuming Warren was one of the people Nathan bullied/picked on at Blackwell). I hope that makes sense lmao. And number three, why not? I love Warren and I can't wait to explore his character more in this story, so why not, you know? 
> 
> But yeah, just wanted to clarify what my thought process was for those who were confused, etc. This doesn't mean you have to like the interaction, if you read this and still find it strange, go right ahead! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and I'm not trying to take that away from you. BUT I certainly hope that everyone is superrrr excited for Max! I got sooooo much planned like I can not wait for you all to read it. Um I just gotta write it first, lmao.
> 
> I was in a bit of writing slump which I am still kinda in, but I pulled myself a bit out of it so I could get this chapter done and start getting into the good stuff. I got a lot planned for Max, and we'll get to see some new characters with her appearance. I can't promise when I'll get that next chapter up but hopefully within the next few weeks. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and being patient. I'm working as fast as I can to get these chapters out so stick with me! 
> 
> stay awesome  
> -me


	8. nosy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max.

* * *

_**VIII. nosy** _

"Nothing is more abstract than reality."

* * *

Max had lost her rewind power. 

At least, she thought she had. She hadn’t used it in years—not even _daring_ to try. It was a part of her last promise to Chloe. She had royally fucked up timelines when she rewinded, and she vowed to never do it again. No matter what. Everything happens for a reason. Max had learned it the hard way, but she learned it nonetheless. 

Chloe’s funeral was the saddest, yet most fulfilling and promising day of Max’s life. Chloe didn’t deserve to die the way she did. After everything that Arcadia Bay had done to her and Rachel, after everything _Max_ had done to her—leaving Chloe all those years ago on the day of William’s funeral, then not messaging her for five whole years—Chloe was still the most selfless, caring human being she had ever met. All Chloe wanted to do was leave Arcadia, head down to Los Angeles, smoking and skating like the hipster she was. She didn’t deserve to die the way she did. 

When the blue butterfly landed on Chloe’s coffin, it was like she could hear Chloe yelling at her. 

_“You better not start crying over me, Max! You got a whole life ahead of you—all you need is your camera.”_

The butterfly flapped its wings at Max, like Chloe winking at her, and Max couldn’t help but smile. 

Max graduated from Blackwell Academy with decent grades, applying to University of Oregon, known for their arts program. She majored in photography, spending four years in Eugene, Oregon. Her focus was to be the best photographer she could ever be—trying her best not to let her own stress and anxiety about putting herself out there stop her. 

Kate Marsh and Max grew incredibly close the months after Chloe’s funeral. Kate was a rock for Max—always around for Max, offering tea and wise bible verses that always seem to match any and every situation. They hung out all the time before they graduated, and even when Max went to University of Oregon and Kate went to George Fox University—a Christian college with welcoming exterior—they kept in contact all the time. It was one thing that Max also vowed to get better at—keeping in contact with her friends. Those past four years—tons of Facetime calls, text messages, ranting calls, and plans to hang out on every break. It’s how they stayed close. 

Kate wasn’t the only one. Max also got pretty close with Warren. Warren ended up going to Oregon State University—it was a school for nerds, he said. And as much as he wanted him and Max to go to the same school, their interests just didn’t lead that way. He majored in biochemistry and minored in robotics—something Max always said was way too hard for herself. They kept in contact all the time too, with Warren always sending Max movie recommendations, sending her music playlists, and science memes that Max didn’t always understand, but still enjoyed the thought. 

Of course, she was sometimes reminded of Warren’s crush on her, and even as they grew through the years she could almost feel that crush never truly fading. Sometimes she wondered what it would be like if she kissed Warren like she did in the other timeline and almost felt compelled to do it, but just couldn’t bring herself to carry through. Warren mentioned that he had a few flings with some girls at OSU, but he always said that they never worked out. But for some reason, he never told Max why. Max wasn’t that interested in meeting new love interests. She was fine with the world and her camera, and wanted to dedicate more time to her personal photography projects and earning better grades in school. 

After earning her bachelor’s degree at U of O, Warren was absolutely overjoyed when Max said she was planning to move back to Seattle. He had already had plans on applying to University of Washington in Seattle, and now that she was going to stay with her family for a bit while she figured out her next plans, he had practically confirmed his moving to Seattle. A photojournalist was her top goal, and Seattle was a great place to start. There were plenty of art schools to choose from, but she ended up winding it down to the Seattle Film Institute. It was a great school that focused on all different types of photo mediums, and she could explore different techniques and study different artists. 

That summer after Kate and Max had officially graduated from undergraduate college, the two headed down to their favorite diner, Two Whales. They talked and caught up about everything going on, making more plans to hang out during their long break when the topic of graduate school came up. 

“ _No_ fucking way! You’re going to the Seattle Film Institute too?!” Max practically yelled, slamming her fork down with wide eyes. 

“Yes! Wait, oh my _gosh._ You are too? We’re going to the same school?!” Kate shared her same enthusiasm, practically jumping up and down in her seat. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you applied?! Do you know what this means? We can totally be roommates!” 

“Max, I would love _nothing_ more than to share a place with you. We could decorate the walls with your photos, and my art!” 

When they told Warren, he had this cheeky grin practically all day. He was excited, they were excited—needless to say, it was a pretty great day.

Joyce was more than happy that Max was getting herself out there. David Madsen and her took some space—David headed in the direction of Arizona a couple years after Chloe’s death. Joyce and him still keep in touch, but in the moment, it was the best scenario for the both of them. 

It was Joyce who gave Max a majority of Chloe’s things. A box of Chloe’s old clothes, some CDs of her favorite music, her bullet necklace, their old pirate notebooks and even that old bottle of blue hair dye. It was Chloe’s signature look. _Chloe blue._ A little before she left for Seattle, she grabbed that old bottle of blue hair dye and coated it over a chunk of her brown bangs. It was vibrant against her brown hair, but she liked the look and she felt closer to Chloe. She totally understood why Chloe dyed her hair. 

In August of 2019–the current year—Max and Kate were already settled into their new apartment, with school just a few weeks away. Warren had already spent some time in Seattle—some summer scientist program that he was uber excited to attend. He already had his apartment set up and ready to go, and he wasn’t too far away from Max and Kate—just a couple bus rides away or a decent walking distance. He took it upon himself to show them around Seattle, or at least the parts that he knew. By the time that Kate and Max got all settled into their new apartment, Max had already secured a small internship job for the Seattle Times. It was an exciting job, being able to take pictures of Seattle, from the Space Needle to smaller events throughout the large city. It paid a decent amount of money too—with her job and Kate’s new job working as a barista at a nearby coffee shop, they had enough to pay for rent, and still eat like broke college students. 

Life had almost felt somewhat normal again. Still strange, but she felt like she had recovered from the trauma of that one week. It didn’t hurt as much when she thought of Chloe, and in fact never really felt like she had been separated from her best friend. She always felt like Chloe was with her, no matter where she went or whatever situation she was in. Every once in a while, usually on a bad day, Max saw a blue butterfly fluttering about. She wasn’t sure if she was really seeing it or not, but she always knew that it was Chloe, telling Max to get her shit together. 

The only thing she hadn’t totally recovered from, was Mr. Jefferson’s dark room. She still had nightmares about it—that _creep_ pushing his flashy camera into her dazed and confused face. The tight duct tape that began to red her skin the more she tried to slip out of the sticky substance. That _bastard_ got what he deserved. She didn’t regret sending that text to David that fateful day. 

But for some reason that she was still not completely sure of, she felt conflicted when it came to Nathan. 

Nathan Prescott killed her best friend. Shot her point blank through her stomach. In the girls bathroom of Blackwell Academy. 

Max should have been pissed. Absolutely livid. Nathan was a bastard too, falling into Mr. Jefferson’s sick delusion and led girls to that Dark Room. He did it to Rachel. Then to Kate. Then to Chloe. After everything he did—his terrible attitude, dangerous demeanor, and the high and mighty _I own this town_ rich boy appeal, Max should have hated him. She should have laughed when he got dragged out of Blackwell, and should’ve made more of an effort for Nathan to go to prison instead of a mental institution. But she didn’t. After everything he did, she still didn’t hate him. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it. No matter how much Chloe would’ve hated for not hating Nathan, Max couldn’t find a sliver of her being to actually hate him. 

Over time, there were two things that she figured out why she could never hate him. The first, was the phone call. 

Although it happened in another timeline, it still counted. Max was so close to forever damning Nathan when she learned the truth, and with David’s help when she escaped, she was ready to hate him. But that phone call changed everything for her. 

_“Max... it’s Nathan. I just wanted to say... I’m sorry. I didn't want to hurt Kate, or Rachel, or... I didn't want to hurt anybody. Everybody... used me! Mr. Jefferson is coming for me now. All this shit will be over soon. Watch out, Max... He wants to hurt you next. Sorry."_

She can almost still hear his voice calling out to her—can still hear the absolute fear and _regret_ in his voice. In that moment, driving through the tornado’s rain and heavy winds, she almost cried herself. From what she learned about Nathan, he was just a broken kid, with expectations too much for someone to handle. She was probably the first to realize that Nathan’s dangerous and unstable actions were due to his mental illnesses that his father didn’t give a damn to try and help with. Partially, it wasn’t all Nathan’s fault. He was just lost—lost and confused, wanting someone who believed in him and unfortunately it had to be Mark Jefferson. Max often wondered what would have happened if things hadn’t worked that way. If there was a different timeline where Nathan hadn’t done all those awful things—a different timeline where he wasn’t so _broken_. 

The second thing was his nervous breakdown he had over Chloe’s body. Initially, when Max first encountered Nathan, she had thought that Nathan was a psychopath. Who else could just shoot someone point blank in the school’s bathroom? But she learned that he was far from it. 

Sacrificing Chloe was the most heartbreaking, traumatic, and ultimately the absolute _hardest_ decision Max would ever make in her entire life. 

_“And Max? Don’t you forget about me!”_

Sitting on the bathroom floor for the final time, after leaving Chloe, watching the blue butterfly float in, having to cover her mouth to keep herself from sobbing as she heard Chloe and Nathan struggle against the door of the bathroom, painfully awaiting that single gunshot. When the shot sounded, it was so loud that it echoed and vibrated against the floor, making her ears ring as she heard Chloe’s body thud against the ground. Max was bawling, silent tears streaming down her face like the saddest river. 

She hadn’t even realized she was standing as she turned from her hiding spot. “Chloe.” She whispered, almost sounding ethereal as the blue butterfly flapped its vibrant wings, flying out of the same small window it came in from. Her voice was reaching, almost _pleading,_ as if saying, _“Chloe, please get up. Please, stand up so we can be pirates again.”_

The gun clattered on the ground the moment that Chloe’s body hit the ground. She could still picture Nathan in that moment. 

He apologized. Over and over, like it was the last thing he was ever going to do. 

Max didn’t even think he realized how hard he was crying. Harder than _she_ was. His face was flushed red, tears falling from his eyes as he shook Chloe’s body, trying to bring the life back into her. 

“Fuck! I’m sorry! I’m...shit! Fuck! Price! Price! _Chloe!_ Oh man—godfuckingdamnit! I… I didn’t mean to! My hand...No! Please! I’m sorry! For everything! Please! Price, wake up! Fuck! Someone—help… I’m so sorry! Please, I’m so sorry!” 

His words got more jumbled and rushed the more he pleaded, and his words became more into a panic that he didn’t even recognize that Max was right there, right in front of him. 

Her hand almost raised—to just rewind. She was so tempted to do it—just live out the greatest and most heartbreaking week over and over again if it meant being with Chloe. But she couldn’t. She _promised_ she wouldn’t. 

Nathan kept crying. He hit his trigger hand against the tile floor over and over, hard enough that she thought he would break his own hand. Then his hands shot into his hair, tangling with his brown locks as he gripped his head in agony, kneeling over Chloe’s body. 

He was sobbing—voice cracking and she could hear his unbearable sorrow, full of fear and regret, just like how she heard in the phone call. 

“I’m so sorry… This wasn’t supposed to happen… I’m so—“ 

Then David busted in the door, took one glance at the situation, slammed Nathan to the floor. 

“ _Agh!_ I’m… please! I… Let me… help! I’m sorry, Price! I’m…” Nathan still pleaded, even as David’s weight pinned Nathan down on his stomach on the cold bathroom floor. 

David looked up at Max. “You! Call 911!” 

It was then that Nathan looked up, and Max and him locked eyes. Sorrowful light blue meeting damaged darker blue—their eyes both full of tears. It was only for a moment before Max broke the contact, reaching into her bag and grabbing her phone, and that was it. 

She hadn’t heard about Nathan since. Last time she heard, he was sent to a mental institution in Salem, Oregon and that was that. Eventually the news shuffled out, broadcasting trivial things. It was the drama at Blackwell for months. 

It hit Victoria the hardest. She was so confused—so incredibly confused and no one knew how to help her get through it. Except Max.

Their friendship was surprising to most, but in reality it made the most sense. Max and Victoria had both lost someone important to them, and Max, although she knew of all the alternatives that could have occurred, she still was unsure of the right thing to say. But somehow, that’s what Victoria needed. She didn’t want people _kissing her ass,_ as she would say, but Victoria just wanted the truth. So Max told it to her. Not the whole truth, of course—she didn’t want to spook her with all the time travel stuff, but Max told her what the police wouldn’t. Max told Victoria about Rachel, and the dark room, and Nathan’s part in all of it. 

Victoria cried that cloudy day in Max’s dorm room when she learned of everything. It was months after the incident, when things were finally beginning to settle down. She cried and cried, and it shocked Max because it was the most vulnerable she had ever seen a person like Victoria. Victoria was always known to be headstrong, ruthless, determined. And even if her insecurities often boosted her jealousy which converted into being mean, she always had the power to fight back. But that day, it was like she had been drained of all her power and aggressiveness, drained of all the fight she had left, and she sat there, hugging Max’s favorite stuffed animal and sobbed. Sobbed and wept like she was finally revealing her true self, like she just _couldn’t_ put up a front anymore. 

And after she was all done, she smiled at Max and said, “Thank you.” 

They graduated not long after that, but Max and Victoria always kept in touch. Victoria went to a private art university in Portland, but since Eugene and Portland isn’t an incredibly long distance away from each other, Victoria always offered to pay for Max’s plane ticket or train ride to Portland and offered Max to stay with her for a few days, giving her the chance to show her around Portland and meet some of Victoria’s friends. They’d have quiet wine nights where Victoria would rant about school, or this boy that she liked, or some drama she’d have with her friends, and Max was more than happy to always lend an ear. 

Max quickly noticed how much Victoria had mellowed down from her high school days. She was still aggressive and knew how to get what she wanted, but she worked for it. From as far as Max could tell, she was no longer a bully and as Victoria showed Max around, she waved and would say hi or smile at anyone and everyone passing by, even the shy, cliche geeks like Max. 

Victoria hated talking about Nathan. Every few weeks, Nathan’s mom would send her a text or give her a call, giving her an update about Nathan. She’d always be nice and say, “That’s good,” or “I’m glad he’s still responsive,” but it would always put a damper on the day. She wouldn’t tell Max what his mom would say, just trying to change the subject or offer to do something fun, like shopping or go to the movies. 

To Max’s surprise, Victoria applied to the University of Washington’s graduate program, majoring in photography and art history. Victoria started her first year by studying abroad, right in the heart of London. She always sends Max pictures, small gifts from small shops in the UK, and seems to be doing much better than when she was in America. She left in September, going for a half-year program, and was planning to come back next year around February. Victoria always talks about how they need to hang out as _soon_ as she gets back, and Max always agrees with a chuckle. 

So, everything was okay. Warren’s latest ordeal was working on this big science report with some people that he mentioned that he liked a lot. He told Max that they worked at a youth homeless shelter not too far away from his place. Kate was working on this giant oil painting for her class, which was currently taking up most of the space in the living room. And Max was busy, fulfilling small photo shoot jobs from people on her campus and being sent places to take pictures for the Seattle Times, even being offered to write up a small description of the events. It was all going okay. Life wasn’t as strange as it used to be. 

At least that’s what she thought, until she walked into the same homeless shelter that Warren had talked about for a big Thanksgiving event that was annually held. She thought it was amazing. She always had respect for people who ran programs that helped other people, so the idea of hosting a huge feast for anyone who needed a meal was amazing. There had to be at least more than a hundred people as she was welcomed in by a couple of kind people who looked around her age—she wondered if these were the people that Warren talked about—she immediately wiped out her camera and took a couple pictures. She would definitely make sure to donate some money to whoever was running Sacred. 

She was about to take out William’s polaroid camera—Max always made sure to take at least one polaroid picture that she could keep for herself—when her eyes locked with a familiar pair of blue eyes. 

He had been staring at her—was her immediate first thought. The smile she had on her face dropped as she saw him. 

His hair was darker. Like, unnaturally darker. It was an extremely dark brown, with a bit of a reddish tint and she wondered if he had dyed it. It was messy, not the gel comb over that she was used to, but loose and curly, dangling over his forehead. 

His skin was pale but had a bit of color. He was wearing a large baggy chocolatey brown knitted sweater that seemed way too big for his upper body, blue jeans and white tennis shoes. Nothing designer or expensive, nothing like the guy she once knew. She could also tell he looked a bit skinnier than she remembered. 

She almost— _almost—_ raised her hand, ready to rewind so that she could run away without him seeing her but she remembered her promise to herself, and to Chloe. 

She couldn’t believe who she was looking at. 

She was looking at _Nathan Prescott_. 

Nathan Prescott? Nathan Prescott? Nathan Prescott? Nathan Prescott? _Nathan Prescott? Nathan Prescott? Nathan Prescott? Nathan Prescott?_

The guy who shot her best friend in the stomach of the girl’s bathroom of Blackwell Academy. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maximum Overdriveeeee
> 
> I got this chapter up way sooner than I had expected which is good! It's a little shorter, but it's just a brief summary of what Max has been doing the last couple of years, friendships that had grown over the years, school, etc. 
> 
> For future chapters, I think I'm gonna do them so it's half half, so half in Nathan's perspective and half in Max's perspective. But we've finally reached their meeting point! It's a bumpy ride from here (: 
> 
> Gonna have our first caulscott interaction in the next one, can't wait for y'all to read it! (not sure when it's coming out but it will come out sometime soon) 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and sticking with me, I hope I live up to expectations! don't forget to drop a comment below and share with a friend (: 
> 
> until next time.  
> -me

**Author's Note:**

> i've read so many caulscott fanfics and i love life is strange and just finished playing it again and I DO NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS NATHAN PRESCOTT IS GETTING THE REDEMPTION ARC THAT HE DESERVES
> 
> also i know i don't have my medical/hospital stuff right so plz just bear with me for this one
> 
> so thank you so much for reading, grab a drink, put on some sad music (i recommend billie eilish) and let's go on this whirlwind of sadness, angst, and anxiety together.


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